Joke Of The Day

[turbotom]

The next issue of Uniuqe Cars has a special section in it ....

check it out.

[Guest]

Right,under the new rules your out of here,Nice knowing you Tom.

vik

[turbotom]

Right,under the new rules your out of here,Nice knowing you Tom.

vik

I'm allowed one warning, aren't I?

[Blown BA]

Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give.

I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me.

If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children...' -- they leave skid marks.

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.

An unmarried girl who worked in a busy office arrived one morning and began passing out big cigars and candy, both tied with blue ribbons. When asked what the occasion was, she proudly displayed a new diamond solitaire ring on her third finger, left hand, and announced, "It's a boy, six feet tall and 190 pounds!"

A father called his local IRS office to ask if he could deduct the cost of his daughter's wedding as "a total loss."

The wedding night should be like a good chicken meal, a little bit of breast, a little bit of leg... and a whole lot of stuffing!!!

I want a husband who is decent, God-fearing, well-educated, smart, sincere, respectful, treats me as an equal, has a great body, and has the same interests in life as me. Now I don't think that's too much to ask of a billionaire, do you?

Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first.

Marriage is a mutual relationship if both parties know when to be mute.

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Getting married is like buying a dishwasher: You'll never need to do it by hand again.

[Blown BA]

There was a traveling salesman whose car broke down on a lonely country road. It took a couple hours to make it to the nearest farm house, and by then it was completely dark.

He knocked on the door and when an old farmer answered the salesman pleaded for a place to spend the night.

"Why sure, young fella, I can give ya a place to bunk," said the hospitable old man. "But, I ain't got no good looking daughter like ya always hear about in them jokes."

"Oh!" said the salesman. "Can you tell me how far is it to the next house?"

[Blown BA]

A week after their marriage, the Redneck newlyweds paid a visit to their doctor...

"I can't figure it out doc, and I'm really worried," said the husband.

"My *beep* are turning blue."

"That's pretty unusual," said the doctor. "Let me examine you."

The doctor takes a look. Sure enough, the Redneck's *beep* are blue.

The doctor turns to the wife. "Are you using the diaphragm that I

prescribed?"

"Yes, I am," she replied.

"And what kind of jelly are you using with it?"

"Grape"

[Blown BA]

A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, "You've been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask."

The cats says, "Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors." God says, "Say no more." And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat.

The mice said, "All our lives we've had to run. We've been chased by cats, dogs and even women with brooms. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore.' God says, 'Say no more." And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.

About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks, "How are you doing? Are you happy here?"

The cat yawns and stretches and says, "Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!"

[Blown BA]

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, the other four.

The nine-year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out.

The cashier asks, "Oh, these must be for your Mom, huh.?"

The nine-year old shakes his head and replies, Nope, not for my Mom."

Cashier: "Well, they must be for your sister then?"

Nine-year old: "Nope, not for my sister either."

Cashier, curious now: "If they're not for your Mom and not for your sister, who are they for?"

The nine-year old says, "They're for my four-year old brother."

Surprised, the cashier asks, "Your little brother right here??"

Nine year old explains: "Well, yeah! They say on TV if you wear one of these you can swim or ride a bike, and my little brother can't do either!"

[Blown BA]

I am reminded of a real life incident of about 10 years ago.

I was working in a Wall Street investment bank when someone from the information technology group came by our office asking us to enter our passwords in the new software system.

My colleague Barry, with his usual rebellious attitude, entered the password "pen*s".

We all fell on the floor with laugher when the computer replied: "Password rejected. Too short."

[pedro]

A newly wed couple return to their hotel room on their wedding night.. The bride goes to have a shower thinking she is about to get some lovin..

When she returns from the show the man stands up and declares he is goin to the bar for a drink and walks out.. The wife is a little upset with this but cant do anything about it and waits for him to come home. when he gets home he is totally drunk and decides to go to bed. The next night the same thing happens and the next and so on for a week.

Finally the wife decides enough is enough when he comes home tonight im gonna be on the bed naked waiting for him. Sure enough the husband comes home 10 minutes later to find her on the bed. He takes one look and says "Right that's it.. you I want you to a handstand in front of that mirror."

The wife thinks this a little weird but does it anyway. Next she knows the husband kneels down behind her and sits in chin right between her legs...

"You know what..." he states " the guys are right.. I would look good with a beard"

BOOM BOOM

pedro