Joke Of The Day

[ENVY-T]

[zx6rblue]

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was

severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any

skin from his body because he was too skinny.

So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.

However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was

Suitable would have to come from her buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where

The Skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honour

Their secret.

After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was

completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more

handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went

on and on about his youthful beauty!

One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at

her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you

did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"

My darling," she replied, " I get all the thanks I need every time I see

your mother kiss you on the cheek!"

[ZAP]

SONNY BILL-WILLIAMS JOKES: (Ex Bulldogs NRL player)

Q: How many SBW's does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. SBW prefers to keep people in the dark

Q: Whats the difference between SBW and Arnold Schwartzenegger?

A: Armold Schwartzenegger will be back.

Q: What do SBW Princess Diana and The world Trade Centre have in common?

A: They all got f***ed by an Arab

Q: Why wouldn't SBW ever catch his best mate with his girlfreind?

A: Sonny bill doesnt walk in on his mates, He walks out on them

Q: Whats the difference between SBW and my house?

A: My house still has fans

[Guest]

SONNY BILL-WILLIAMS JOKES: (Ex Bulldogs NRL player)

Q: How many SBW's does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. SBW prefers to keep people in the dark

Q: Whats the difference between SBW and Arnold Schwartzenegger?

A: Armold Schwartzenegger will be back.

Q: What do SBW Princess Diana and The world Trade Centre have in common?

A: They all got f***ed by an Arab

Q: Why wouldn't SBW ever catch his best mate with his girlfreind?

A: Sonny bill doesnt walk in on his mates, He walks out on them

Q: Whats the difference between SBW and my house?

A: My house still has fans

Sad but true

[Turboboy]

I failed my audition as Romeo, through a misunderstanding over a stage direction.

In my script it clearly said:

"Enter Juliet from the rear."

[hafadude]

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

'How was he killed?' asked one detective.

'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied

'A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?'

'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'

[Turboboy]

Honesty is the best policy, but some time TO LIE for honourable reasons and for the benefit of others is a true male trait.

How ? Read the following story.

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river.

When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, 'Why are you crying?'

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. 'Is this your axe?' the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, 'No.'

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. 'Is this your axe?' the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, 'No.'

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. 'Is this your axe?' the Lord asked..

The woodcutter replied, 'Yes.'

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep,

and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river.

When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, 'Why are you crying?'

'Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!'

The Lord went down into the water and came up withANGELINA JOLIE'Is this your wife?' the Lord asked.

'Yes,' cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. 'You lied! That is an untruth!'

The woodcutter replied, 'Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding.

You see, if I had said 'no' to ANGELINA JOLIE , You would have come up with CAMERON DIAZ.

Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife .

Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three.

Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE .'

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honourable reason, and for the benefit of others.

That's our story, and we're sticking to it! - 'WE ARE HONOURABLE MEN!!!!!

[ravenhard]

There was 3 supermodel Kate Moss , Elle Macpherson and that black chick Naomi Campbell sitting together flying on the plane when the Captain made an announcement over the PA that the plane was going to crash land and for everybody to make emergency preparations.

Kate Moss pulls out her makeup and starts powdering her face. In shock the other 2 look at her and ask what she is doing. Kate says when they crash the first thing the rescuers look for is a girl with a pretty face so I’ll be saved first.

Then Elle Macpherson pulls out her makeup and starts powdering her breast. In shock the other 2 look at her and ask what she is doing. Elle says when they crash the first thing the rescuers look for is the girl with great looking tits, so I’ll be saved first.

Naomi Campbell then pulls out her makeup and starts powdering her vagina. In shock the other 2 look at her and ask what she is doing. Naomi says when they crash the first thing the rescuers look for is the Black Box!

[Pixy Angel]

Divorced Barbie

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly

remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a to a

shop and asks the sales person, "How much for one of those Barbie's in the

display window?"

The salesperson answers, "Which one do you mean, sir?

We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach

Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95,

Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95".

The amazed father asks: "It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95

and the others only $19.95?"

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: "Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer and.....one of Ken's Friends!

Edited 02/10/08 10:45 PM by ANGEL#3

[Dagabond]

Soldiers

A platoon of soldiers was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an Australian soldier in a similar but less serious state...

The soldier was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the Platoon Leader asked the injured Australian what had happened.

The soldier reported, 'I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent.' We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved.

He yelled back that Kevin Rudd is a bureaucratic, Good-for-nothing left wing labour dickhead who knows bugger all about running the country.'

'So I said that Osama Bin Ladin dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian!'

He retaliated by yelling, 'Oh yeah? Well, so does Julia Gillard!'

'And, there we were, in the middle of the road, laughing, shaking hands, When a fucking truck hit us.'