Joke Of The Day

[Corzza]

The Indian With One Testicle

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle

and whose given name was 'Onestone'.. He hated that

name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally

cracked and said,' If anyone calls me Onestone

again I will kill them!'

The word got around and nobody called

him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird

forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.' He

jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into

the forest where he made love to her all day and

all night. He made love to her all the next day,

until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what

he promised he would do. Years went by and no

one dared call him by his given name until A woman

named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being

away. Yellow Bird , who wasBlue Bird's cousin, was

overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him

and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest,

then he made love to her all day, made love to her all

night, made love to her all the next day, made love to

her all the next night, butYellow Bird wouldn't die!

Why

OH, come on... take a guess !!!

Think about it !!!

You're going to love this !!!

Everyone knows...

You can't kill Two Birds

with OneStone!!!

[Corzza]

Jewish Kid: "Dad, please may I have $50?"

Jewish Dad: "$40?!"

Jewish Dad: "What the hell do you need $30 for?"

[Corzza]

A young man goes into a pharmacy and says to the Pharmacist,

"Hello, Could you give me a condom? I'm going to my Girlfriend’s place for dinner and I think I may be in with a chance!"

The pharmacist gives him the Condom and as the young Man is going out; he returns and says,

"Give me another condom because my girlfriend’s Sister is very Cute too”.

She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner When she sees me and I think I might strike it lucky there too." The pharmacist gives him a second condom and as the boy is leaving he turns back and says,

"Go on, give me one more condom because my Girlfriend’s mum is still pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes eyes, and since she invited me for Dinner, I think she is expecting me to make a move!

During dinner, the young man is

Sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mum facing him.

When the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying,

"Dear Lord, bless this dinner and thank you for all you give us." A minute later the boys is still Praying; “and thank you Lord for your kindness." Ten minutes go by and the boy is still Praying, keeping his head down.

The others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend is even more surprised than the others. She gets close to the boy and says in his ear, *"I didn't

Know you were so Religious."* The boy replies,

*"I didn't know your DAD was a Pharmacist.*

[aiboart]

Authorized Ford Dealer....

wait for it....

Servicing.

[Panda Eyes]

at least holdens have realy good rear window demisters.....

keeps your hands warm while your pushing em....

[Corzza]

It's the summer of 1957 and Harold goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue.

Harold's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a duck tail hairdo.

When he goes to the front door, Peggy Sue's mother answers and invites him in.

"Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" she says.

That's cool. Peggy Sue's mother asks Harold what they're planning to do.

Harold replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or

to a drive in movie.

Peggy Sue's mother responds, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear

all the kids are doing it."

Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Harold and he says

"Wha...aaat?"

"Yeah," says Peggy Sue's mother, "We know Peggy Sue really likes to

screw; why, she'd screw all night if we let her!"

Harold's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear. Immediately, he has

revised the plans for the evening.

A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle

skirt with her saddle shoes, and announces that she's ready to go.

Almost breathless with anticipation, Harold escorts his date out the

front door while Mom is saying, "Have a good evening kids," with a small

wink for Harold.

About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back

into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her mother:

"Dammit, Mom! The Twist! The Twist! It's called the Twist!"

[Panda Eyes]

/\

[Corzza]

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work.

Her nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees the illegal lovers

and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch.

Then the woman's husband unexpectedly comes home. She hides her lover in

the cupboard, not realizing that her little boy is in there already.

The little Boy says : "Dark in here."

The Man says : "Yes, it is."

Boy : "I have a soccer ball; do you want to buy it?"

Man : "No, thanks."

Boy : "My dad's outside, I'll call him if you don't buy it!"

Man : "OK, how much?"

Boy : "$150-00."

A few weeks later it happened again and the boy and the lover were in

the cupboard together again.

Boy : "Dark in here."

Man : "Yes, it is."

Boy : "I have soccer boots."

The Man, remembering the last time, asks the boy: "How much?"

The Boy says : "$550-00."

The Man says : "Fine, I will buy them."

A few days later, the Father says to the boy: "Grab your ball and boots,

let's go outside and have a game."

The Boy says : "I can't, I sold them for $850."

The Father says : "That's terrible to overcharge your

friends like that... $850 is way more than those two things cost. I'm

going to take you to church and make you confess your sins."

They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the

confession booth and he closes the door.

The Boy says : "Dark in here."

The Priest says : "Don't start that sh!t again!"

THIS IS MY CHURCH NOT YOUR FATHER'S HOUSE

[Corzza]

A young couple were driving down the road one day, happily, deliriously in

love and due to be married the next day.

Suddenly, a large truck swerved from the oncoming lanes into their car!

BOOM! And they both died.

At the Pearly Gates, the young couple confronted St. Peter. "Sir, you have

to help us! We were to be married tomorrow. Is there any way we

can be married in Heaven?"

"Hmmm," replied St. Peter, "I don't recall there ever being a marriage in

Heaven. Well, let's take it up with God and see what he says."

So they approached God with their plea. God sat for a moment, pondering the

request. Then he looked down and said, "Come back in five years and >ask me

again."

Five years later, the couple approached God again, even more in love than

ever and pleading that he allow their marriage. God paused for quite a

while, musing over their request. Then he spoke, "Come back in five years

and ask me again."

And once again, five years later, the couple was again in the presence of

God, more in love than ever and begging God's permission for the third time

to marry. This time God smiled broadly and thundered, "Yes my children, you

may marry!"

Well, the wedding went off beautifully, the reception was huge, everyone

thought the bride was simply.... breathtaking and the groom was soooo...

handsome, and everyone was happy! Until...

Two years later, the couple was back before God, and things were not looking

so good. The couple had come to the realization almost immediately that

although marriages were made in heaven, they didn't last very long there!

And, in spite of their struggles to come to terms with the situation, they

had decided there simply was no alternative but to get a divorce.

Black clouds fractured by lightening rolled across the sky, and the ground

shook with explosive thunder.

God glared down at the tiny couple before him, his face becoming dark and

angry, and he roared, "Divorce?! Impossible!!!

It took us TEN years just to find a Priest in Heaven!

Where are we going to get a LAWYER from?!!"

[Corzza]

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the motorway. Nothing is moving.

Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped Kevin Rudd, Wayne Swan, Julia Gillard and Anna Bligh . They're asking for a $310 million ransom.

Otherwise they're going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, taking up a collection."

The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?"

"About a litre."