Joke Of The Day

[Guest XR09]

A man and a woman are sitting at the bar one night, drinking their problems away. After a time, the man decides to ask the woman, "What's the matter, you seem really down?" The woman responds, "Well, it's just that my husband left me." The man looked surprised as the woman was quite attractive and asked "Why would he leave you?" The woman replied, "He said I was too kinky in the bedroom." Immediately the man’s eyes lit up in shock at her answer. "My wife actually just left me for the same reason," he told her, and it was the truth. The two of them get to talking and eventually she invites the man to her home.

They enter her bedroom, and the woman instructs the man to take a seat on the bed, that she is going to 'get ready' in the other room. The woman proceeds to attire herself in a leather corset, complete with whip, chains, and ballgag. She heads to the pantry and grabs a bottle of whipped cream and some Tobasco sauce.

The woman then re-enters the bedroom to see the man putting on his coat about to walk out the door. The woman exclaims, "What's the matter? I thought you were kinky!" to which the man replied, "Lady, I just f*cked your dog and sh*t in your purse, I'm done here.

[Corzza]

[Corzza]

A man had great tickets for the World Cup Final.

As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in

the empty seat next to him.

"No," he says. "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible!" says the other man. "Who in their right mind would

have a seat like this for the World Cup Final, the biggest sporting

event, and not use it?"

"Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come

with me, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we

haven't been to together since we got married.

"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find

someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to take the

seat?"

The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at her funeral..."

[Corzza]

Teacher: "Children, tomorrow I would like you to give me an example of a

development that is currently being built near your home and what are the advantages of this new development."

At the end of the class, the teacher asks that all the little Girls stay behind for 5 minutes.

Teacher: "Young ladies, I have received numerous complaints from your parents concerning Little Johnny's' crude remarks. It is very likely that for tomorrow he is going to say something dirty and that is why I am asking you all, to avoid any further problems, when he says anything that appears rude, Get up and leave the class room"

Everybody agreed to this plan.

Next day, teacher: "Is everybody ready with their assignment?

Go Ahead Anita"

Anita: "Near my home, a supermarket is being built. Now my mommy doesn't have to walk so far to get bread and milk."

Teacher: "Very good Anita! Yes Koosie!"

Koosie: "Near my home, they are building a furniture factory. My Daddy is a carpenter and this permits him to work near home"

Teacher: "Excellent, thank you Koosie!"

At this point, little Johnny's hand shoots up and the teacher asks:"Oh

heavens, tell me Johnny what new development is being built near your home." Little Johnny: "Near my home, they are building a brothel"

As all the young ladies got up and proceeded to leave, Little Johnny says, " Hey relax you little whores, it hasn't opened yet!"

[Guest XR09]

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue. Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home

drunk he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk,

just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish

but don't swallow until he goes to bed and is asleep."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk,

I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!"

Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"

[tab]

More effective as an email...

> Make your vote count

>

> As a rule, I don’t pass along these “add your name” lists that appear

> in emails, BUT this one is important.

>

> It has been circulating for months and has been sent to over 20 million people.

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> We don’t want to lose any names on the list so just hit forward and send it on.

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> Please Please keep it going!

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> To show your support for Kevin Rudd please scroll to the end of the

> list below and add your name.

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> 1. Therese Rein

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> 2.

[Buf-Phoon]

but you are wrong, that list doesn't have a beginning

[Corzza]

The 7 dwarfs went to meet the Pope.

"Go on Dopey, ask," chanted the other 6.

"Ok" said Dopey. "Sir are there nuns in Alaska?"

"Yes there are" said the Pope.

"Go on Dopey, ask him" urged the other 6.

"Ok" said Dopey". "Sir are there black nuns in Alaska?"

"Yes there are" said the Pope.

"Go on Dopey ask him", Dopey blushed "are there midget nuns in Alaska?"

"No I don't think so" said the Pope, all 6 leapt up shouting,

DOPEY SHAGGED A PENGUIN, DOPEY SHAGGED A PENGUIN !!!

[Guest XR09]

Old Timer Sex

The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over sixty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

Yes, she says, 'I remember it well.'

OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'

Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.

The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in...

Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming.

Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed.. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Sixty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'

[Corzza]

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach.. Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a

healthy son.

All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in

tears. 'What's wrong?' asked the mother. 'I was taking a tinkle and this bullet

came out,' replied the daughter.

The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago

About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. 'Mom,

I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out.' Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years

ago.

A week later her son walked into the room in tears. 'It's okay' said the

Mom, 'I know what happened You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out.'

'No,' said the boy, 'I was playing with myself and I shot the dog.'