Joke Of The Day

[Corzza]

An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site

noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend

some time with them to correct their ways.

She decided she would take her lunch;

sit with the workers; and talk with them.

She put her sandwich in a brown bag and

walked over to the spot where the men were eating.

Sporting a big smile, she walked up to the group and asked:

"And do you men know Jesus Christ?"

They shook their heads and looked at each other.. very confused.

One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out,

"Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"

One of the steelworkers yelled down, "Why?"

The worker yelled back,

"'Cause his wife's here with his lunch."

[Corzza]

Embarrassing Situations!

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" By now, the entire bar is staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200!"

[Corzza]

A woman is taking a bath (naked, of course) when suddenly she hears a knock at the door.

"Can I come in?" a male voice asks.

"Who is it?" the woman asks.

"It is the blind man" says the voice on the other side of the door.

The woman gets out of the bath and after some consideration, opens the door, thinking, "Well, he's blind anyway".

The man comes in the bathroom, takes a good look at the woman and says, "Great tits! Now where would you like the blinds?"

[Corzza]

A lady is having a bad day at the tables in Vegas. Down to her last $100, completely exasperated, she cries, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?"

A gent next to her, trying to calm her down a bit, calmly suggests, "I don't know... Why don't you play your age?"

He walks away. Moments later, his he is intrigued to hear a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe, she won!

Rushing back to the table and pushing his way through the crowd, he is stunned to see the lady lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.

He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?"

The operator replies, "I don't know, buddy.... She put all her money on 29. When 36 came up she fainted!"

[Corzza]

A gorgeous young woman gets into a taxi one day.

On the way, the cabby asks her, "Hey baby, would you screw me for 25 dollars?"

Insulted, the woman asks, "What kind of a girl do you think I am??"

"Well," the cabby says, "If I was a multi-millionaire, and paid you a million dollars, and had the body of a famous movie star, would you do it with me then?"

"I guess I would," the woman says.

"In that case," the cabby says, "Will you screw me for 25 dollars?"

"What kind of a girl to you think I am??" the woman says again.

"We've already established that. Now we're just dickering over price."

[Corzza]

Australia Post have created and marketed a new stamp displaying a picture

of the current Prime

Minister of Australia, Ms Gillard.

The prime minister had requested a recall of the stamps following concerns

that they weren't sticking.

Australia Post recently suspended a recall of the stamps after the findings

of a special Senate Committee were released.

The Prime Minister was told that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes

and the enraged Prime Minister demanded a full investigation.

After a month of testing and spending of $1.85 million, a special Senate

Committee led by the leader of the Greens, Bob Brown, presented the

following findings:

1) The stamp is in perfect order.

2) There is nothing wrong with the adhesive.

3) People are spitting on the wrong side of the stamp.

[Corzza]

One day a man came home from work and told his wife, "Hon, I had the urge to put my thing in the pickle slicer."

"Oh, my God, you should get some help!" his wife said. The next day he came home.

"Hon, I had that urge again!"

"That's it! After work tomorrow, I'm taking you to a doctor!"

The third day he came home all depressed and said, "Hon, I finally did it."

"WHAT HAPPENED?"

"They fired me - and the pickle slicer too."

[Corzza]

Two men went hunting. Joe had been hunting all his life, but Steve was hunting for the first time. Joe told Steve to sit down and not make a sound. So he did.

But when Joe got 100 yards away, he heard a scream. "I thought I told you to be quiet!" he said.

"Well, I was when the snake bit me," said Steve. "And I was when the bear attacked me... but when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant leg and said, 'Should we eat them or take them with us,' I screamed."

[Corzza]

Three friends had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad situation he would always say ''It could have been worse.'' His friends hated that quality about him, so they came up with a story so horrible that not even Joe could come up with a bright side.

So the next day, only two of his friends showed up for a golf date.

Joe asked, ''Where's Gary?''

And one of his friends said, ''Didn't you hear? Gary found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself.''

Joe says,''Well it could have been worse.''

Both his friends said, ''How in hell could it be worse? Your best friend just killed himself!''

Joe says, ''if it happened two days ago, I'd be dead now!''

[Corzza]

A dentist is talking to his patient about the sanitary problems some of his fellow dentists were facing. He said that one of his friends was touring a latex glove factory in Mexico, and saw how they make the gloves. One person would stick his hand in the melted latex, walk over to a vat of cooling water, then dip his hand in it to solidify the latex. The glove was then thrown in a finished products box. The dentist's patient was disgusted by the lack of care taken in making the gloves sanitary. Wanting to keep all the patients he could, the dentist didn't mention how they made condoms.