Joke Of The Day

[Macktheknife]

I was thinking of coming down to NSW for the Skirmish.

So I went to buy some camouflage clothes but I couldn't find any.

[Macktheknife]

I had a ploughmans lunch yesterday.

He wasn't too happy about it though......

[Turbo6man]

Mack> Pleeeeease .... ENUFF!!!

I tried to look up a word in the dictionary but couldn't find it 'cos there was no index.

I'm warning you Mack ... I have more like that if you don't STOP!!!

[sharkey]

Guy goes into the doctor's.

Guy: 'Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside.'

Doctor: 'How's that?'

Guy: 'Don't you start'

[Macktheknife]

Mack> Pleeeeease .... ENUFF!!!

I tried to look up a word in the dictionary but couldn't find it 'cos there was no index.

I'm warning you Mack ... I have more like that if you don't STOP!!!

Chaos, panic and disorder.

My work here is done.

[xrturb]

A man escapes from a prison where he has been held for 15 years.

He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young

couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a

chair. While tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her,

kisses her on the neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy

is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots

of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he

kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do

what he tells you, just give him satisfaction, no matter how much

he ravages you. This guy is probably damned dangerous. If he gets

angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you".

To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was

whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute,

and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. I told him where

to find it. Be strong, honey. I love you, too."

[Macktheknife]

I was feeling a bit sus on Wednesday so I went to see my local Doc.

I said " Doc, I cant stop singing The Green Green Grass of Home.

He said " Sounds like you have Tom Jones Syndrome"

I said " Is it common?"

He said "It's not unusual"

[xrturb]

A young man walked into the local Dole office, marched straight

up to the counter and said, "Hi, I hate drawing dole. I would

really rather find a job."

The man behind the counter replied, "Your timing is amazing. We

just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a

chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to

drive around a big black Mercedes, and the suits, shirts, and ties are provided.

B ecause of the long hours of this job, meals will also be

provided and you will also be required to escort the young lady on

her overseas holiday's trips. The salary package is $200,000 a

year!"

The young man said, "You're bullsh!tt!ng me man!"

The man behind the counter said, "Yeah, well, you started it."

[Falchoon]

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy the teacher called on walked up to the front of the

class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down.

Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was.

"It's a period," he replied.

"I see that," said the teacher, "but what is so exciting about a period?"

"Darned if I know," he said, "but this morning my sister was missing one; mum fainted, dad had a heart attack, and the boy next door joined the army."

[Macktheknife]

A couple of favorite one-liners.

1. How about never? Is never good for you?

2. I'm already visualising the duct tape over your mouth.

3. And your cry-baby whiney arsed opinion would be....?

4. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

More next week.