Joke Of The Day

[tab]

And a bar joke for Macka...

This duck walks into a bar, waddles up to the front of the

bar, looks at the bartender and says, "Hey bartender, got any

grapes?"

The bartender says, "No, I don't have any grapes. This is a

bar, we serve liquor, not fruit"

So the duck leaves. The next day the same duck walks into the

same bar, waddles up to the front and says to the bartender,

"Hey bartender, got any grapes?"

The bartender says, "I told you yesterday, we don't have any

grapes. This is a bar, not a fruit stand"

So the duck leaves. The next day the same duck walks into the

bar again, waddles up to the front of the bar, and says to the

bartender, "Hey bartender, got any grapes?"

By now the bartender is really annoyed with this stupid duck

asking for grapes, so he says, "No, I don't have any grapes

and if you ask me again, I'll nail your beak to the bar!"

The next day the same duck walks into that same bar, waddles

right up to the front of the bar, looks at the bartender and

says,

"Hey bartender, got any nails?"

The bartender says, "No."

The duck says "Good, got any grapes?"

[pym]

Two lepers playing cards. One chucks his hand in, and the other laughs his head off.

Q. Why do Elephants paint their *beep* Red ?

A. So they can hide in cherry trees

Q. Have you ever seen an elephant hiding in a cherry tree ?

A. Just shows how good their disguise is

Q. What's the loudest noise in the jungle ?

A. A giraffe eating cherries

:lol:

[KEN 24T]

NEW WORDS FOR 2004: Essential additions for the workplace vocabulary

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was

missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on

everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and

advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than by working hard.

SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only

to get screwed and die in the end.

CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube

farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. (What yuppies

turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home

with the kids.)

STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.

SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the

magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you

find yourself unable to stop watching them. The Anna Nichole show or the

Bachelor is a prime example.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an

electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the

rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often

profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to

solve.

404: Someone who's clueless. (From the World Wide Web error message "404

NotFound", meaning that the requested document, like the person's brain,

could not be located.)

OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've

just made a BIG mistake.

WOOFYS: Well Off Older Folks.

[KEN 24T]

A woman stumbled upon an old brass lamp while walking on a beach.

When she picked it up and rubbed it, a genie popped up. He told her she could have one wish.

She said her wish was peace in the Middle East and showed him a map and said she wanted these countries to stop fighting with each other, now and forever.

The Genie looked at the map and said. "I doubt that will ever happen. These countries have been at war for thousands of years and although I'm good, I'm not that good so make another wish".

The woman said "Well, I've never been able to find Mr. Right. You know, a man who's considerate and fun, fit, warm and affectionate, gorgeous, well endowed, only wants sex with me, doesn't do drugs or drink too much, has a great job with a good income, loves to travel, goes to the theatre, likes to cook and help with housecleaning, gets along with my family and tells me I always look fabulous and is great in bed."

The genie let out a long sigh and said "Let me see that bloody map again."

[Macktheknife]

Just because you all want it..........

Macka and Lumpy are in the pub having a beer.

Macka says, "your round" Lumpy replies "so are you, you fat bast ard.........

[KEN 24T]

Just because you all want it..........

Macka and Lumpy are in the pub having a beer.

Macka says, "your round" Lumpy replies "so are you, you fat bast ard.........

Is there any force on earth that will stop you Macka? :k24t:

[pym]

Just because you all want it..........

Macka and Lumpy are in the pub having a beer.

Macka says, "your round" Lumpy replies "so are you, you fat bast ard.........

Is there any force on earth that will stop you Macka? :k24t:

Does this mean Gandalf, that you are unable to conjure up a spell to stop him....

My opinion of you has been lowered :lol:

[KEN 24T]

Does this mean Gandalf, that you are unable to conjure up a spell to stop him....

I'm compelled to use my powers for good, not evil ... sorry.

[Macktheknife]

Just because you all want it..........

Macka and Lumpy are in the pub having a beer.

Macka says, "your round" Lumpy replies "so are you, you fat bast ard.........

Is there any force on earth that will stop you Macka? :k24t:

Does this mean Gandalf, that you are unable to conjure up a spell to stop him....

My opinion of you has been lowered :lol:

Look......Its like a giant snowball......nothing short of a 30 Megaton nuclear strike will stop the onslaught........................

Couple of cannibals eating a comedian...... One says "does this meat taste funny to you?"

[KEN 24T]

Couple of cannibals eating a comedian...... One says "does this meat taste funny to you?"

Fer Cripes sake Mack ... I'll bloody-well pay you to stop!