Joke Of The Day

[phantomchic]

jordak 

:crybaby:

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Just the sort of thing a twisted female mind would appreciate eh Shaz

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ummmmmmmmmm maybe

[Johnny G]

Melrose Drive , Tullamarine , Victoria...

January 16th 2006 :14.35 hours :

Highway patrol officer pulls over a Workcover Inspector for doing 71 in a 60 zone.

Workcover Inspector says nothing and cops it sweet.

Policeman finishes writing ticket and proceeds back to his car...........

Workcover Inspector in the mean time, gets his digital camera out of bag, photographs the member and proceeds to the police car where he issues the Officer with an $800.00 fine for not wearing his hi-visibility vest when leaving his vehicle in a high traffic area.

[harvyk]

Melrose Drive , Tullamarine , Victoria...

January 16th 2006 :14.35 hours :

Highway patrol officer pulls over a Workcover Inspector for doing 71 in a 60 zone.

Workcover Inspector says nothing and cops it sweet.

Policeman finishes writing ticket and proceeds back to his car...........

Workcover Inspector in the mean time, gets his digital camera out of bag, photographs the member and proceeds to the police car where he issues the Officer with an $800.00 fine for not wearing his hi-visibility vest when leaving his vehicle in a high traffic area.

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I'm sure the following is in order -

This has gone over the web so many times now... It's been changed slightly but...

[Blown BA]

One day little Susie went into her back yard and found her dog Muffles lying dead with its legs up in the air.

She asked, "Daddy, Daddy, why are Muffles legs in the air?"

Thinking quickly, her dad replied, "This way Jesus can come down and take Muffles to heaven easier."

The next day when Susie's dad came home, she ran up to him and said, "Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today."

Flustered, her father said, "Honey, what happened?"

"Well, Mommy's legs were up in the air and she was screaming 'Oh Jesus, I'm coming, I'm coming' and if it wasn't for the milkman holding her down she would have been a gonner."

[Blown BA]

A man walks into a building for an interview and tells the manager that he wants to join their organization.

The manager says, "Okay, but there is one rule you have to follow. You cannot get an erection while you are trying to join this group."

The man says O.K. He is stripped of his clothing. A bell is tied around his pen*s and he is put into a room with nine other men who are also trying to join. Then a naked woman is sent walking across the room and nine bells are quiet, and his is ringing away.

The man begs for another chance and is given this chance. The woman walks by again and again the man's bell rings again. The manager says to the man, "Pick up your stuff and go. You are unfit for this organization."

As the man bends down to pick up his stuff, the other nine bells start ringing.

[Blown BA]

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."

The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole.

The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars.

The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."

The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."

[Blown BA]

A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Bulgarian businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating. She says, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?"

One of the Bulgarian men says, "Can't you see? Ve arrrre all verrry, verrry hoongry." The waitress makes a stroking motion and says, "So how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation??" One of the other businessmen replies:

The menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!

[Paradoxx]

Charming

The joke about the bells was recently posted here - http://www.fordxr6turbo.com/forum/index.ph...ndpost&p=344908

[stang]

come on aussie.

A Chinese man decides to move to Australia, after 50 years of

living in Shanghai. He buys a small piece of land in the

country.

A few days after moving in, the friendly Aussie neighbour

decides to go across and welcome the new guy to the region. So

he goes next door, but on his way up the drive-way, he sees the

Chinese man running around his front yard chasing about 10 hens.

Not wanting to interrupt this "Chinese customs", he decides to

put the welcome on hold for the day.

The next day, he decides to try again, but just as he is about

to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees

the Chinese man urinate into a glass and then drink it. Not

wanting to interrupt another "Chinese custom", he decides to put

the welcome on hold for yet another day.

A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way

next door, he sees the Chinese man leading a cow down the

drive-way, pause, and then put his head next to the cow's bum.

The Aussie bloke can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese

man and says, "What the hell is it with your Chinese customs?"

"I come over to welcome you to the neighbourhood, and see you

running around the yard after hens." "The next day you are

pissing in a glass, and drinking it, and then today, you have

your head so close to that cow's bum, it could just about sh*t

on you." The Chinese man is very taken back and says, "Sorry

Sir, you do not understand, these aren't Chinese customs I am

performing, but Australian customs." "What do you mean mate",

says the Aussie, "Those aren't Australian customs." "Yes they

are", replied the Chinese man, "for you see, in order for me to

become a true Australian," "I must Chase Chicks, Drink Piss, and

listen to Bull-sh*it."

[tbearz]

lol that's a cracker