Joke Of The Day

[Lumpen]

Oh...I'm sorry to any lawyers out there that didn't find that funny. I'm not sorry if I offended you, I'm just sorry you're a lawyer

Lumpy

[Flukey]

Oh...I'm sorry to any lawyers out there that didn't find that funny. I'm not sorry if I offended you, I'm just sorry you're a lawyer

Lumpy

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As long as you are enjoying yourself Lumpy, that's all that matters

[Lumpen]

Oh...I'm sorry to any lawyers out there that didn't find that funny. I'm not sorry if I offended you, I'm just sorry you're a lawyer

Lumpy

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As long as you are enjoying yourself Lumpy, that's all that matters

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That one should be attributed to the great Bill Hicks, his reference was to catholics however

Lumpy

[Turbo6man]

Q/What's the difference between Sperm and a Lawyer.

A/At least with sperm there is a 1 in 1,000,000 chance of it growing up to be human.

Lumpy

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Because there is a growing demand for burial space - cemetries are filling up at an ever increasing rate - it has been decided that from 2020 cemetries will be multi-level. That is to say there will be the normal 6 foot deep plots but in addirion there will be another plot at 12 feet down. It has been decreed that this new deeper level will be solely for the use of lawyers and politicians. "Why?", you might ask. Well, because deep down they might be orright!

[Turbo6man]

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Kerry. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in Dublin and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Kerry . We settle small disagreements like this with the Kerry Three Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is the Kerry Three Kick Rule?"

The farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first I kick you

three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could

easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The barrister was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow sh*t.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old coot. Now it's my turn."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."

[Turbo6man]

A truck driver frequently traveled through a small town where there was a courthouse at the side of the road. Of course, there were always lawyers walking along the road.

The truck driver made it a practice to hit any pedestrian lawyers with his truck as he sped by.

One day, he spotted a priest walking along the road and stopped to give him a ride. A little further along, as he approached the town, he spotted a lawyer walking along the side of the road.

Automatically, he veered his truck towards the lawyer, but...then he remembered his passenger. He swerved back to the center, but he heard a "whump" and in the rear view mirror he spotted the lawyer rolling across the field.

He turned to the priest and said, "Father, I'm sure that I missed that lawyer."

And the priest replied, "That's OK, my son, I got him with the door."

[stang]

Why I`m proud to be a greek.....

The Greek & his BMW

A Greek parks his brand new BMW in front of the office to show it off

To is colleagues. As he's getting out of the car, a truck comes speeding

along to close to the kerb and takes off the door before speeding off.

More than a little distraught, the Greek grabs his mobile and calls

the police. Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has

a chance to ask any questions, the Greek starts screaming hysterically:

"My BMW, my beautiful black BMW is ruined! No matter how long at the

panel beaters it'll simply never be the same again!". After the Greek

finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust: "I

can't believe how materialistic you bloody Greeks are," he says. "You

lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything

else in your life."

"How can you say such a thing at a time like this?", snaps the Greek.

The policeman replies, "Didn't you realize that your right arm was torn

off when the truck hit you?"

The Greek looks down in absolute horror "F...... HELL!!!!!! he

screams........"Where's my Rolex ????..."

[jEtONiT]

Why I`m proud to be a greek.....

The Greek & his BMW

A Greek parks his brand new BMW in front of the office to show it off

To is colleagues. As he's getting out of the car, a truck comes speeding

along to close to the kerb and takes off the door before speeding off.

More than a little distraught, the Greek grabs his mobile and calls

the police. Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has

a chance to ask any questions, the Greek starts screaming hysterically:

"My BMW, my beautiful black BMW is ruined! No matter how long at the

panel beaters it'll simply never be the same again!". After the Greek

finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust: "I

can't believe how materialistic you bloody Greeks are," he says. "You

lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything

else in your life."

"How can you say such a thing at a time like this?", snaps the Greek.

The policeman replies, "Didn't you realize that your right arm was torn

off when the truck hit you?"

The Greek looks down in absolute horror "F...... HELL!!!!!! he

screams........"Where's my Rolex ????..."

←

LOLL sick 1

[jEtONiT]

You know you're a wog when:

You are 24 and your mother still calls your mobile phone.

You can name all your grandfathers in order dating back to the 15th century

You have a tattoo on your arm with your last name written in old English.

There is either a black Mercedes or BMW on your driveway.

Your parents tell you stories about how they had to walk 8 miles in 5 feet of snow barefoot up hills and mountains just to go to school.

Whisky is like holy water in your house you use it to cure all illnesses.

You wear an Armani shirt when u work out or go to the gym.

The only cigarettes u smoke are Marlboro reds and the only beer u drink is Heineken.

You end up in jail on your brothers wedding day for shooting your 9mm in the middle of the street during the wedding gathering.

You open up a million dollar business and if it doesn't work out u burn it down and collect insurance

You have at least one cousin who's in jail for breaking the law

Whenever you're with a person and you don't know their name u just call them "ey bro"

All of your dads co-workers know the history of your country

You are ready to be a bride when your 16 years old.

Your basic needs include food, water, shelter, Kalashnikov and a BMW or Benz.

You start smoking at the age of 13

You invite 1,000 people to your wedding and you only know 300 of them

You either own a restaurant, pizzeria, building, hotel, or construction company

You drive the most expensive car at your school

Your neighbors understand swear words in your language

All the hot girls you know are somehow related to you

You go to parties and functions just to show off

You can be killed in a blood feud and be known as a family hero

When you were in 10th grade u spray painted your national flag on your highschool

You have more alcohol in your house then the local bar

[coach3062]

Whats a chitzu?

A zoo without any animals!