Joke Of The Day

[hafadude]

I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits.

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A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about Sex at that age."

"Curious about Sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"

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I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.

How could anyone stoop so low?

[turbo.vixen]

Three Irishmen and three Englishmen are travelling by train to a

Football match in London.

At the station, the three English each buy a ticket and watch as the

three Irish buy just one ticket among them.

How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?” asks one

Of the English.

Watch and learn,” answers one of the Irish as they all board the Train.

The English take their respective seats but all three Irish cram into a

Toilet and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has

departed, the Conductor arrives to collect the tickets. He knocks on

the toilet door and says, “Ticket please.”

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in

Hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The English are mightily

impressed by this.

Later, after the game, the English decide to copy the Irish (like

Always!) on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the

station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their

astonishment, the Irish don’t buy a ticket at all!

How are you going to travel without a ticket?” asks one perplexed

Englishman.

Watch and learn,” says one Paddy.

When they board the train, the three Irish cram into a toilet, Soon afterwards the three English then pile into another one nearby.

The train departs. Shortly afterwards, one of the Irish leaves the

Toilet and sneaks across to the toilet where the English are hiding.

He knocks on the door and says, “Ticket please.”

[arjey]

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

"half a worm?"

Nup. Getting raped.

[Guest da gurly]

A nun is sitting on a train opposite a *beep* who is eating a bag of prawns. Everytime he eats one he spits the head at her and she throws it out of the window. Eventually she gets pissed off and pulls the emergency cord. The *beep* looks at her and says"You'll get fined $50 for that you stupid slVt"and laughs. She laughs back and says"when I cry rape and they smell your fingers You'll get 10 years you cVnT!"

[smicky]

that's a bit racist!

Whats happened to u?

Edited 02/11/09 02:28 AM by smicky

[Panda Eyes]

question though- plenty of irish and jewish j okes on here, but my aboriginal joke gets deleted- what gives? its a light hearted thread- I never started a hate thread against em??

Edited 02/11/09 03:29 AM by fordriver1

[Guest da gurly]

that's a bit racist!

Huh??

sorry - it's about nun and prawns?...

[smicky]

that's what im talking about - not the black man!

hehehe

[RegSpec]

WOMAN'S POEM

Before I lay me down to sleep,

I pray for a man, who's not a creep,

One who's handsome, smart and strong.

One who loves to listen long,

One who thinks before he speaks,

One who'll call, not wait for weeks.

I pray he's gainfully employed,

When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door,

Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,

Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"

I pray that this man will love me to no end,

And always be my very best friend.

MAN'S POEM

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge hooters

who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This

doesn't rhyme and I don't give a sh*t.

[turbo.vixen]

EVER WONDER .

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?

Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?