Joke Of The Day

[Corzza]

Teacher: Good morning class I have a couple of riddles to start off this morning. I have something here that's round red and good to eat? Sarah: an apple? Teacher: No it's a tomato but you're thinking.

Teacher: I have something here that's yellow and odd shaped and good to eat? Michael: A banana? Teacher: No it's a pear but you're thinking.

Little Johnny: Teacher, I have a riddle. Teacher: Okay Johnny tell us your riddle. Little Johnny: I have something in my pocket that's round, hard and has a head on it? Teacher: Johnny, you go see the principal right this instant. Little Johnny: It's a nail, but you're thinking.

[Guest newl]

Texas Beer Joint Sue s Church in MT. Vernon , Texas. Drummond's

Bar began construction on an expansion of their building to increase their

business.

In response, the local Baptist Church started a campaign to block

the bar from expanding with petitions and prayers. Work progressed right up

until the week before the grand reopening when lightning struck the bar and

it burned to the ground!

After the bar burning to the ground by the lightning strike, the

church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about "the power

of prayer", until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the

church ... "was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building,

either through direct or indirect actions or means."

In its reply to the court, the church vehemently denied all

responsibility or any connection to the building's demise.

The judge read through the plaintiff's complaint and the

defendant's reply, and at the opening hearing he commented, "I don't know

how I'm going to decide this, but it appears from the paperwork that we

have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church

congregation that now does not."

[STAINLESS again plz]

rejected again hey,STAINLESS??!!

it was my joke of the day

how do you know if henz is *beep*?

his dick tastes like sh*t.

Edited 11/07/11 06:35 AM by STAINLESS

[FPV6T]

[Corzza]

A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.

He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No", he replies,"I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it.."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What"s so special about it?"

The cowboy explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."

The lady says, "What"s it telling you now?"

Well, it says you"re not wearing any panties."

The woman giggles and replies "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!"

The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing"s an hour fast."

[Corzza]

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She said, "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow."

"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be all right...I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.

But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants,and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him.

She then asked him, "How does that feel?"

To which he replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."

[fordkid]

ROFL!

[Corzza]

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "What is this Father?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don"t know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....

"Go get your Mother."

[Corzza]

Walking through San Francisco 's Chinatown, a tourist from the Midwest was enjoying the artistry of all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners.

When he turned a corner and saw a building with the sign "Moishe Plotnik's Laundry."

"Moishe Plotnik?" he wondered. "How does that belong in Chinatown ?"

He walked into the shop and saw a fairly standard looking dry cleaner,

although he could see that the proprietors were clearly aware of the uniqueness of the store name

as there were baseball hats, T-shirts and coffee mugs emblazoned with the logo "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry."

The tourist selected a coffee cup as a conversation piece to take back to his office.

Behind the counter was a smiling old Chinese gentleman who thanked him for his purchase.

The tourist asked, "Can you explain how this place got a name like Moishe Plotnik's Laundry?''

The old man answered, "Ah..Evleebody ask me dat. It name of owner."

Looking around, the tourist asked, "Is he here now?"

"It me, Me him!" replied the old man.

"Really? You're Chinese. How did you ever get a Jewish name like Moishe Plotnik?"

It simple' said the old man.

"Many, many year ago I come to this country. I, standing in line at Document Center of Immiglation.

Man in front of me was man from Poland"

Lady at counter look at him and say to him, "What you name?"

He (Polish man) say to her, "Moishe Plotnik."

Then she look at me and say, "What your name?"

I say, "Sam Ting."

[Corzza]

A girlfriend and boyfriend walked into the girlfriends house and the girlfriend said to her mom, "Mom, me and my boyfriend are going up to my room" and the mom says, "Ok honey, you kids have fun."

When they are up their the mom hears: "Baby baby baby oh!"

The mom walks to the door and ask, "What the hell is going on?"

The girl says, "Mom were just having s*x." and the mom says, "Oh thank god I thought you guys were listening to Justin Bieber."