Joke Of The Day

[Corzza]

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was

looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not

far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror .

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside

down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate thick shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

'I meant my dress size, you f@*#*! retard!!!!'

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

[Corzza]

Julia Gillard was out jogging one morning along the path in Western Park when she tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the Molongo River below.

Before the Federal Police guys could get to her, 3 kids who were fishing pulled her out of the water. She was so grateful she offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, I want to go to Disney World & Julia said, 'No problem, I'll take you there on in my Royal Australia Air Force plane.

The second kid said, I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan shoes. Julia said, I'll get them for you and even have Michael Jordan sign them.

The third kid said, I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset.

Julia was a little perplexed by this and said, but you don't look like you're handicapped. The kid said I will be after my dad finds out I saved you from drowning.

[Turbo6FG]

Julia Gillard was out jogging one morning along the path in Western Park when she tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the Molongo River below.

I just read this bit & it made me smile happily

[Corzza]

Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some f*ckin’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more f*ckin’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the f*ckin’ French toast."

[Corzza]

Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

[Corzza]

[Corzza]

A king offers 3 people half his kingdom and the hand of his daughter in marriage. The only condition was that they throw their watch off a mountain and catch it before it lands. The first man drops it and runs down and just misses it. He falls down dead of exhaustion. The second guy throws it up and jumps down dead. The third guy throws it down, takes his time down, goes to the movies has lunch etc. and come back 3 hours later to catch his watch and he does. They all in amazement ask him how he did that. His reply was "MY WATCH IS 3 HOURS BEHIND"

[Corzza]

Little Johnny walked into class every morning with a black eye. After a while his teacher got worried and asked him about it.

Johnny's answer was: "Our house is very small miss. Me, my mother and my father, we sleep on the same bed. Every night my father asks, 'Johnny are you sleeping?' Then I say 'No' and then he slaps my face and gives me a black eye."

So the teacher says to him, "Tonight when your father asks again, keep dead quiet and don't answer".

The following morning Little Johnny comes to school and his eye is fine, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief, but the day after that Johnny comes back with a severe black eye again. "My goodness Johnny, why the black eye again?"

He tells her: "Miss, Dad asked me again, 'Johnny are you sleeping?... And I shut up and kept dead still. Then my father and my mother started moving you know at the same time Mum was breathing erratically, kicking her legs up frantically and squealing like a demented hyena on the bed"... Then my father asks my mother: 'Are you coming?'

Then my mum says, 'Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?' and my dad answered 'Yes'.

They don't usually go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me.' "

[Corzza]

It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same villages and towns.

When he arrived at the first house on his round, he was greeted by the whole family, who hugged and congratulated and sent him on his way with a cheque for $100. At the second house they presented him with an 18-carat gold watch. The people at the third house handed him a bottle of 15 year old scotch.

At the fourth house he was met by a blonde in her nightie. She took him upstairs to the bedroom where she gave him the most mind blowing sex he had ever had. When they finished they went downstairs and she made a full English breakfast and poured him a cup of coffee, as she was pouring the coffee Pat noticed that sticking out from under the saucer was a five dollar bill.

Pat said "Well all this is just too wonderful for words, but what's the fiver for".

"Well," said the blonde "last night I told my husband that today would be your last day and that we should do something special for you, so I asked him what I should give you." and he said "F@$%k him! Give him a fiver."

She smiled shyly and said, "But the breakfast was all my idea".

[Corzza]

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.

At the first house a woman complains, 'I've been a little

sick to my stomach.'

The older doctor says, 'Well, you've probably been overdoing

the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?'

As they left, the younger man said, 'You didn't even examine

that woman? How'd you come to the diagnosis so quickly?'

'I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what probably was making her sick.'

'Huh,' the younger doctor said. 'Pretty clever. I think I'll

try that at the next house.'

Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She complained that she just didn't have the energy she once did and said, 'I'm feeling terribly run down lately.'

'You've probably been doing too much work for the Church,' the younger doctor told her. 'Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps.'

As they left, the elder doctor said, 'I know that woman well. Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at

it?

'I did what you did at the last house. I dropped my stethoscope and when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed.'