Joke Of The Day

[Panda Eyes]

I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Vegemite......... one jar.

[El Andrew]

Reminds me of when I worked at a butcher while I was at uni and there was a really annoying customer who carried her dog under her arm. One day one of the butchers said "Nice pig!" "What? It's a dog" she replied. "Yeah I know, I was talking to the dog."

I'm dyslexic and cannot turn off simple functions in tapatalk

[k31th]

I don't mind you copy+pasting, but please hit the "remove formatting" button before you hit the "submit" button

[Puffwagon]

Q: What rhymes with formatting? 

 

A: No it doesn't. 

[vanamond]

You are all hilarious! I laughed like crazy. Here is one from me:

What goes 99-clonk, 99-clonk, 99-clonk? A centipede with a wooden leg :D

[daisy gorard]

On 04/06/2003 at 9:59 AM, saleen said:

Heres some automotive acronyms. Yes theres Ford ones too. Enjoy

AUDI

Accelerates Under Demonic Influence

Always Unsafe Designs Implemented

All Un-informed Drivers Insulted

All Unnecessary Devices Installed

BMW

Big Money Waste

Beautiful Mechanical Wonder

Bavarian Manure Wagon

Big Money Works

Bought My Wife

Brutal Money Waster

b**ch Magnet on Wheels

BUICK

Big Ugly Indestructable Car Killer

CHEVROLET

Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips

Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time

Chews Heads, Eats Valves, Runs Only Low ET's

Can Handle Everything, Runs Over Limbs, Even Trees

DODGE

Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater

Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere

Dead On Day Guarantee Expires

FIAT

Failure in Italian Automotive Technology

Fix It All the Time

Fix It Again, Tony!

Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation

FORD

Fix Or Repair Daily

Found On Road, Dead

Fault Of R&D

Fast Only Rolling Downhill

F**ker Only Runs Downhill

F***ed Over Rebuilt Dodge

First On Rust and Deterioration

First On Recall Day

First On Race Day

Fails On Race Day

Fails On Rainy Days

backwards -- Driver Returns On Foot

Features O.J. and Ron's DNA

GM

General Maintenance

Generally Mediocre

Gypped Me

GMC

Garage Man's Companion

Gotta Mechanic Coming?

God's Mechanical Curse

GrandMother's C**t

GTO

Get'cher Tools Out

HONDA

Had One Never Did Again

Happy Owners Never Drive Anything Else

HYUNDAI

Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive

JEEP

Just Empty Every Pocket

Just Everyone Else's Parts

MAZDA

Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

MOPAR

My Old Pig Ain't Running

Most Original Parts Already Replaced

OLDSMOBILE

Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday

Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment

PINTO

Put In Nickel To Operate

PLYMOUTH

Please Let Your Mother Out (from) Under The Hood

PONTIAC

Poor Ole Nut Thinks It's A Cadillac

SAAB

Send Another Automobile Back

Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown

TOYOTA

Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto

VOLVO

Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

VW

Virtually Worthless

Amazing.

[Puffwagon]

What is the best part about gardening? 

 

Getting dirty with your hoes!

[k31th]

Q: How do you eat a vegetable?
A: Take them out of their wheel chair

 

Q: whats the worst thing about making vegetable soup?
A: Fitting the wheel chair in the pot

 

Q: whats the worst thing about eating vegetable soup ?
A: chewing the tyres

[Puffwagon]

Haha good to see you're getting at least 3 serves of veges per day 

[Puffwagon]

What's the difference between me and my couch? 

 

My couch pulls out!