Joke Of The Day

[JB]

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.

The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there.

She then asked if she could help the gentleman.

The man said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist. The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.

The man agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and sever embarrassment. So I was wondering what you could give me for it."

The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."

When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is, 1/3 ownership of the shop, a company car, and $3,000 a month living expenses."

[JB]

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in London. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter & bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"

The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a

lady a drink?"

Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar & said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"

The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "I say, old chap, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?'"

As far as I'm concerned", the drunk replied, "any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"

[Blown BA]

Q. Why should'nt you trust women?

A. How can you trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die!!!

[Blown BA]

Q: Why are chickens so ugly?

A: You'd be ugly too, if you had a pecker hanging out of your face.

[Blown BA]

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests, "Cross you arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see,' 'yes,' 'go on,' 'I understand,' and 'how did you feel about that?'"

The new priest says those things, trying them out. The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying 'No sh*t! What happened next?'

[Lumpen]

25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid

Question 1/ Does THIS work

Question 2/ Is it worth it?

Question 3/What can I substitute for Chrolox and Brake Fluid?

:lol:

[Blown BA]

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when

you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

2. An old friend who once saved your life.

3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could

only be one passenger in your car?

Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma

that was once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus

you should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he

once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him

back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble

coming up with his answer. He simply answered: "I would give the car

keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I

would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought

limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box." HOWEVER....

The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her

misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then

drive off with the old friend for a few beers.

.......God, I just love happy endings

[Blown BA]

A WOMAN'S PRAYER

Our cash

Which art on plastic

Hallowed be thy name

Thy Cartier watch

Thy Prada bag

In Myer

As it is in David Jones

Give us each day our Platinum Visa

And forgive us our overdraft

As we forgive those who stop our Mastercard

And lead us not into Katies

And deliver us from Sussans

For thine is the Dinnigan, the Akira and the Armani

For Chanel No 5 and Eternity

Amex

[Blown BA]

A MAN'S PRAYER

Our beer

Which art in bottles

Hallowed be thy sport

Thy will be drunk

I will be drunk

At home as I am in the pub

Give us each day our daily schooners

And forgive us our spillage

As we forgive those who spillest against us

And lead us not into the practice of poofy wine

And deliver us from Tequila

For mine is the bitter

The chicks and the footy

Forever and ever

Barmen

[Turbo6man]

3 couples die in a plane crash.

All went to heaven and were lined up waiting to speak with St Peter.

The first English couple were speaking to St Peter who said "I'm sorry but we can't let you in - all your life you have been dominated by alcohol, you even married a woman named Sherry!"

St Peter then spoke to the American couple and said "sorry but you can't come in either - all your lives you have been dominated by money, you even married a woman named Penny!"

The Irish husband looked at his wife and said "Lets go Fannie, we haven't got a chance.