Joke Of The Day

[Blown BA]

Love and Marriage

HE SAID:

Q: Why are brides dressed in white?

A: So they match the rest of the appliances.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can

spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Marriage is a three ring circus:

engagement ring

wedding ring

suffering

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.

After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two

girlfriends.

A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives.

In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.

They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

How do most men define marriage?

A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get

married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son,

I'm still paying for it."

A couple was having a discussion about family finances.

Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house

wouldn't be here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your

money, I wouldn't be here."

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it

because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

Her husband has been slipping in and out of a coma for several months

yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he

motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know

what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got

fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were

there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house,

you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by

my side. When I think about it now, I think you bring me bad luck!"

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"

Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

This guy goes to a party without his wife. He hears this other guy say

to his wife "Pass the sugar, Honey." and "Pass the honey, Sugar." He

thinks this sort of speech is a good idea. So, in the morning when he

and his wife are eating breakfast, he says to his wife,

"Pass the bacon, Pig."

SHE SAID:

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about

something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Boring husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the

wrong finger? Bored wife: Because I married the wrong man!

You can fool some of the people all of the time.

They're called "men".

THEY SAID:

The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be

late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

Marriage is grand -- and divorce is about 10 grand.

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage,

the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman

speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and

the neighbors listen.

[XR6_ED]

[XR6_ED]

[XR6_ED]

[XR6_ED]

[ktford]

What do you call 5000 white fellas chasing two darkies?

The P.G.A. tour

Scotty

[Blown BA]

This guy wakes up out of a deep sleep and, feeling real horny, nudges his wife awake and asks, "Why don't we get it on, huh?" She replies, "I have an appointment at the gynecologist tomorrow and you know I don't like to make love the night before." So the husband agrees and rolled back over and started to go back to sleep.

A few minutes later, he nudges his wife again and asks, "You don't by any chance have a dentist's appointment tomorrow, do you?"

[Blown BA]

Three couples went to dinner: American couple,polish couple,and a french couple. At the table the french guy says to his wife''can u pass me the sugar, sugar?'' Then the american guy says to his wife ''can u pass me the honey, honey?'' So then the polish guy says to his wife ''can u pass me the pork, pig''

[Blown BA]

Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls. They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!" The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first".

[Turbo6man]

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree