Joke Of The Day

[Blown BA]

I have learned that if you upset your wife she nags you. If you Upset her even more you get the silent treatment. Don't you think it's worth the extra effort?

[Turbofalke]

Good for a laugh - Need sound & Flash

modelos.zip

[Cro]

That is just plain wrong

[geea]

I think turbofalke either needs to pay for my counciling or some sort of medievil punishment.

Geea.

[Cro]

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, ''I'm off. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. ''Good morning, madam. You don't know me but I've come to....''

''Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you,'' Mrs. Smith cut in.

''Really ?'' the photographer asked. ''Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies.''

''That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?'' asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.

''Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out.''

''Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me.''

''Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.''

''I hope we can get this over with quickly,'' gasped Mrs. Smith.

''Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure.''

''Don't I know!'' Mrs. Smith exclaimed. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. ''This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London.''

''Oh my god!!'', Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.

''And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'' The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture.

''She was difficult ?'' asked Mrs. Smith.

''Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look.''

''Four and five deep?'' asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.

''Yes,'' the photographer said.

''And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in.'' Mrs. Smith leaned forward.

''You mean they actually chewed on your, eh......equipment ?''

''That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work.''

''Tripod??'', Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.

''Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam ? Madam?..... Good Lord, she's fainted!''

[Cro]

The difference between " GUTS " and " BALLS ":

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being

assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are

you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling

of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the

ass and having the balls to say, "You're next."

[Cro]

A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop, with them are their 8

children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives,

they find it overloaded and only the wife and her eight children are able to

fit in the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a

while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind

man and says to him.

"Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that ticking

sound is driving me crazy!!"

The blind man replies: "If you would've put a rubber on the end of YOUR

stick, we'd be sitting in the bus.

[Blown BA]

An Asian man was trying to exchange yen for dollars and asks The American bank teller, "Why it change? Yestoday I get two hunat Dollar for yen - today I get hunat eighty? The bank teller says, "Fluctuations." The Asian man says, "Fluc you white guys too!"

[Blown BA]

Camilla is very pleased with the wedding arrangements, but has Turned down the Queen's offer of a weekend in Paris with a car and driver.

[Blown BA]

Dave returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Doreen that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away Her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed And they made passionate love. Six hours later, Dave went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?"

Doreen agreed and again they made love. Later, Dave was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Doreen's shoulder and said, Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die. "She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep. Dave, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his Wife on the shoulder to wake her up "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?" His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said,"Listen Dave, I have to get up in the morning! You don't."