Joke Of The Day

[ENVY-T]

A black man jogs into the doctor and says he can't stop jogging. The Doc puts 2 lines of white powder on the desk and tells him to snort it.

He does it and he immediatlely stops still. "f*ck me- is that cocain?" he says. "No," replies the doctor, "it's OMO- guaranteed to stop colours from running."

[ford268]

whats the difference between an aboriginal and a park bench..

the bench can support a family

(im not racist I just thought that was a funny joke)

[Vic-XRT]

Postman Pat's Last Day

IIt was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a gift cheque for $500.

At the second house they presented him fine Cuban cigars in an 18-carat gold box.

The folks at the third house handed him a case of 30-year old Scotch whisky.

At the fourth house a blonde in her lingerie met him at the door. She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where the blonde fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, tomatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and freshly squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a $5 note sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, but what's the five dollars for?"

"Well," said the dumb blonde, "Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you and I asked him what to give you".

He said, "F*ck him. Give him five bucks."

She smiled shyly and said, "The breakfast was my idea."

[mbjunior99]

I like it

[Mr Turbo]

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. ?Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." ?After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.????

Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was

"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes

Rob...

[mbjunior99]

KINGSTON, Jamaica

Breaking News........

In what may be a major breakthrough, Jamaican police investigating the

murder of Pakistan cricket coach Bob Woolmer at the World Cup have today

released a picture of a man heard shouting "Woolmer, Woolmer!" whilst beating on

Woolmer's door.

Police hope with the release of the photo a member of the public may

recognise the suspect.

[tab]

That's very sad.....I like it

[Chooka]

West Coast eagle major sponser, Hungry Jack has just realesed the new "Ben Cousins Meal"

It has.....

No Burger

No Fries

Just Coke and Ice!!

Chooka

Edited 29/03/07 05:30 AM by Chooka

[Telionis]

George Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld and Condoleezza Rice are all trapped in a burning building with no escape... who gets saved?

America

_____________________

One day, while visiting the Queen of England, George Bush asks her how she does such a great job running the country. Not wanting to explain her ceremonial role in a constitutional monarchy, she just said that she surrounds herself with smart people. To give an example, she asked Tony Blair a simple question. Tony, if your parents had a child that was not your brother nor your sister, who was it? Rather quickly, Mr. Blair said, "it must be me." Excited to try this out, George Bush asked Dick Cheney the very same question as soon as he returned. Unable to answer, Cheney wandered the white house asking various aids, until he found Colin Powell. Mr. Powell correctly answered "it must be me," so Cheney ran to Bush and said, "if my parents had a child that isn't my brother or my sister, it must have been Colin Powell!" Bush angrily replied, "no you idiot... it was Tony Blair."

_____________________

I'm not a racist, but, what would you get if you crossed a Mexican with an Octopus?

Heck if I know... but man could pick a lot of oranges.

Edited 16/04/07 02:35 AM by Telionis

[ENVY-T]

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation. This was affecting marital relations with his wife so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what could he do to cure his problem.

In response the doctor said, "When you feel the urge to ejaculate, try startling yourself".

One the way home the man went to a sports store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try out this suggestion he runs home to his wife. When he gets home he is surprised and delighted to find his wife in bed, already naked. He’s so horney and keen to try out his new ’system’ that he doesn’t think twice and leaps on board.

After a few minutes ‘slap and tickle’, they find themselves in the ’69’ position. Sure enough, only moments later the man feels the sudden urge to come. Following doctor’s orders, he grabs the starter pistol off the bedside table and fires it.

The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?"

The man answered, "Just great, asshole...when I fired the pistol my wife sh*t on my face, bit 3 inches off my dick and my neighbor came out of the closet naked with his hands in the air!"