Joke Of The Day

[rhump]

A young man is sitting in the kitchen talking to his mother.

"Mum, I just want to tell you that I am gay."

His mother stands there quietly stirring a pot of stew on the stove.

"Mum, did you hear me? I told you that I am gay."

She turns to him and askes "So you give oral sex to other men, right?"

He says "Yes, sometimes."

After smacking him real hard on the head, she says "Well, you better not complain about my cooking ever again!!!!"

[Turbo6man]

Political correctness

"Political correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional illogical

liberal minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous liberal press;

which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up

a turd by the clean end"

[Turbo6man]

Rocket launches from Houston to mars with 2 monkeys & a woman.

Houston calls 1st monkey: adjust oxygen 20 per cent, stop radar, phase to

warp factor 3;

Monkey 1 : OK Done

Houston to 2nd monkey: switch off engine 3 & start radiation shield, adjust

anti-gravitational throttle:

Monkey 2: OK Done

Houston to woman: Feed the monkeys & don't f*cking touch anything

[Turbo6man]

The Scotsman and the Dentist

A Scotsman phones a dentist to enquire about the cost for a tooth

extraction.

"£85 for an extraction, sir" the dentist replied.

"£85!!! Huv ye no'got anythin' cheaper?"

"That's the normal charge," said the dentist.

"Whit aboot if ye didnae use any anesthetic?"

"That's unusual, sir, but I could do it and knock £15 off.

"Whit aboot if ye used one of your dentist trainees and still without an

anesthetic?"

"I can't guarantee their professionalism and it'll be painful. But the

Price could drop to £40".

"How aboot if ye make it a trainin' session, ave yer student do the

extraction with the other students watchin' and learnin'?"

It'll be good for the students", mulled the dentist. "I'll charge you £5.

But it's going to be very traumatic."

"Och, now yer talkin' laddie! It's a deal," said the Scotsman. "Can ye

Confirm an appointment for the wife next Tuesday then?"

[Turbo6man]

Daddy longlegs

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden.

He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.

Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of

nature through such innocent eyes.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.

He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention.

He noticed she was looking at two Daddy longlegs' mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.

"They're mating," her father replied.

"What do you call the one on top?" she asked.

"That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.

"So, the other one is a Mummy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.

As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question

he replied "No dear. both of them are Daddy Longlegs."

The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then

took her foot and stomped them flat.

"Well, we're not having any of that poofter sh*t in our garden" she said

[Blonk]

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech, and

walked out into the lobby where he met President Bush.

They shook hands, and as they walked the Iranian said, "You know, I

have just one question about what I have seen in America."

President Bush said, "Well, anything I can do to help you, I will."

The Iranian whispered "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it

there is Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, and

Sulu who is Chinese, but no Arabs or Iranians. My son is very upset

and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians on Star Trek."

President Bush cracked his famous little grin, leaned toward the

Iranian ambassador, and whispered back, "That's because it takes place

in the future."

[Dagabond]

A boy asks his granny "Have you seen my pills, they were labelled

LSD?"

Granny: "F*ck the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?"

[aniken]

A woman, pregnant with triplets, was walking down the street when a masked robber runs out of a bank in a panic and shoots her three times in the abdomen. Luckily the babies were okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because they aren't causing any problems and it's too risky to operate. A few months later she gives birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.

They were fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears. "What's wrong?" asks the mother. "I was urinating and this bullet came out," replied the daughter. The mother tells her it's okay and explains what happened 16 years ago.

About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. "Mom, I was urinating and this bullet came out." Again the mother tells her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.

A week later her son walked into the room in tears. "It's okay," says the Mom, "I know what happened... you were going to the toilet and a bullet came out...?" "No," says the boy, "I was having a wank and I shot the dog!"

[aniken]

A popular young Rabbi, who on Sabbath Eve announces to his congregation that he will not renew his contract. He explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush. No one wants him to leave.

Sol Epstein, who owns several car dealerships in the City stands up and proclaims: "If the Rabbi stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!" The congregation sighs in appreciation, and applauds.

Sam Goldstein, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says: If the Rabbi will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary, and also establish a foundation to guarantee the college education's of all his children!!" More sighs and loud applause.

Sadie Goldfarb, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, "If the Rabbi stays, I vill give him sex!" There is total silence. The Rabbi, blushing, asks her: "Mrs. Goldfarb, whatever possessed you to say that?"

Sadie's 90 year old husband Jacob is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side while his wife replies: "Vell, I just asked mein husband how ve could help, and he said, '*beep* the Rabbi.'"

[aniken]

There's this Indian walking home from a long night of hard partying in the hot morning sun when he finds a cowboy hat on the side of the road. He picks it up and looks at it and thinks 'niceum hat' and puts it on and keeps walking.

Before long a crew truck full of cowboys pulls up and asks... "Hey *beep* you want a ride?" The Indian says "Yes... me takeum ride" and gets in the truck.

They take off down the road and one of the cowboys says "Hey Indian.. you want a beer?" The Indian says" Yes... meum like beer" and starts drinking it.

Soon after another cowboy lights up a joint and says "Hey Indian... you smoke weed?" The Indian says "Yes... meum like weed" and has a few tokes.

Another cowboy in the back of the truck stands up and unzips his pants and says "Hey Indian... come here and suck my dick!" The Indian looks up and says "Oh, me not real cowboy, just findum hat on road!"