Joke Of The Day

[Buf-Phoon]

[senna_T]

[RegSpec]

A Muslim was seated next to an Australian on a flight from Hong Kong

to Sydney, Australia.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Aussie

asked for a rum and coke, which was brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Muslim if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen

whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The Aussie handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too,

I didn't know we had a choice."

[rapidmkII]

Funnay

[SHOWDOWN]

A retired Italian wine maker went to the village church to make his

confession for the first time in many decades. When the priest slid open

the panel in the confessional, the man said, "Father, during World War

II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from

the enemy.

I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! You

have no need to confess it."

"It's worse than that, Father," he continued. "She quickly started to

repay me with sexual favors."

"People in wartime sometimes act in ways they wouldn't under normal

conditions. If you are truly sorry for your actions, you are forgiven."

"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. May I ask a

question?"

"What, my son?"

"She is pretty old now, should I tell her the war is over?"

[senna_T]

very funny - its a niiiice!

[ENVY-T]

I purchased a Teddy Bear this morning for the princely sum of $10.

I named him Mohammed.

This afternoon I sold him on E-Bay for $30.

My question is, "Have I made a prophet?"

[tab]

Not sure if this was meant to be humorous - but just got the latest chain email antivirus warning:

---------------------------

PLEASE FORWARD THIS WARNING:

You should be alert during the next days:

Do not open any message with an attached file called "Merry Christmas"

regardless of who sent it, It is a virus that opens as an Open Log Fire

and will burn the whole hard disc in your computer.

This virus will be received from someone who has your e-mail address

in his/her contact list, that is why you should send this e-mail to all

your contacts. It is better to receive this message 25 times than to

receive the virus and open it.

If you receive a mail called "Merry Christmas", though sent by a friend, do

not open it and shut down your computer immediately. This is the worst

virus announced, it has been classified by Microsoft as the most

destructive virus ever.

This virus was discovered by McAfee yesterday, and there is no repair

yet for this kind of virus. This virus simply destroys the Zero Sector

of the Hard Disc, where the vital information is kept

[Twisty]

Late last week, I was rushing around trying to get some last minute shopping done. I was stressed out and not thinking very fondly of the Christmas season right then. It was dark, cold, and wet in the parking lot as I was loading my car up with gifts that I felt obligated to buy. Then I noticed that I was missing a receipt that I might need later. So mumbling under my breath, I retraced my steps to the mall entrance.

As I was searching the wet pavement for the lost receipt, I heard a quiet sobbing. The crying was coming from a poorly dressed boy of about 12 years old.

He was short and thin. He had no coat. He was just wearing a ragged flannel shirt to protect him from the cold night's chill. Oddly enough, he was holding a hundred dollar bill in his hand!

Thinking that he had gotten lost from his parents, I asked him what was wrong. He told me his sad story.

He said that he came from a large family. He had three brothers and four sisters. His father had died when he was nine years old. His mother was poorly educated and worked two full time jobs. She made very little to support her large family. Nevertheless, she had managed to skimp and save two hundred dollars to buy her children Christmas presents. The young boy had been dropped off by his mother, on the way to her second job. He was to use the money to buy presents for all his siblings and save just enough to take the bus home. He had not even entered the mall, when an older boy grabbed one of the hundred dollar bills and disappeared into the night.

"Why didn't you scream for help?" I asked. The boy said, "I did." "And nobody came to help you?" I wondered. The boy stared at the sidewalk and sadly shook his head. "How loudly did you scream?" I inquired. The soft-spoken boy looked up and meekly whispered, "Help me!"

I realised that absolutely no one could have heard that poor boy cry for help. So I grabbed his other hundred and ran to my car.

[tab]

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, he motioned for her to come nearer. She sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.

When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here.

When my health started failing, you were still by my side . . ...

"You know what?"

"What dear?" She gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I think you're bad luck, f*ck off."