Joke Of The Day

[SubJimbo]

[XRDOSE]

BAHAHAHAHAH yeah heard that one one b4! Gets me laughin everytime!

[Twisty]

A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the human race appear?' The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made.'

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?'

The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.'

[phantomchic]

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE'. He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced,

"From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands.

Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?

'The wife replied, 'The bloody funeral director would be my first guess.'....

[jsmith]

yeah typical of a female to post that OLD joke!

[Dagabond]

A man goes to a disco and starts chatting with a very

attractive looking Chinese girl.

She appears to be all over him and soon asks him

back to her place "for a coffee".

When they get to her flat she tells him to help himself to a drink

while she slips into something more comfortable.

Just as he finishes getting his drink the sexy Chinese seductress

returns wearing only a see-through negligee.

"I am your sex slave!" she says,

"I will do absolutely ANYTHING you want"

Well the man is taken a little bit by surprise

and can't believe his luck. so he says:

"I really fancy a 69".....

"PISS OFF" replies the girl.....

"I'm not cooking at this time of night!

[Dagabond]

I bought a racehorse today.

I've decided to call him 'My Face'.

I don't care if he doesn't win a race, or makes me any money.

I just want to hear thousands of those posh tarts at Flemington shouting

'Come on my face!'

[senna_T]

for the last two

[Chich]

This is a true story from the WordPerfect help line.

Needless to say the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is

currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without

Cause". Actual dialogue of a former Word perfect Customer Support

employee:

"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went

away."

"Went away?"

"They disappeared."

"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

"What's a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it

have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

"I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power

cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into

the wall."

".......Yes, it is."

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two

cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the

other cable."

".......Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back

of your computer."

"I can't reach."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

"No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's

dark."

"Dark?"

"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in

from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."

"I can't."

"No? Why not?"

"Because there's a power outage."

"A power... A power outage? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you

still have the boxes and manuals and packing suff your computer came

in?"

"Well, yes, I kee them in the closet."

"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it

was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it

from."

"Really? Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

[Turboboy]

Subject: Female Compassion.

A man was lying on a towel at the beach. He had no arms or legs.

Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The first woman said " Have you ever had a hug"

The man said "No", So she gave him a hug and walked on.

The second woman said " Have you ever had a kiss".

The man said "No", So she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The third woman walked over to him, knelt down and whispered in his ear,

"Have you ever been f***ed?

The fellow looked up in amazement and said "No"

The woman smiled and said "You will be when the tide comes in."