Joke Of The Day

[Panda Eyes]

an old lady gets on a bus and sits next to 2 greek guys.

she starts to listen to their conversation, and hears: 'emma comes first, then I come, then I see ass, then I see another ass, then I come again, then I see 2 more asses, then I come one more time, then comes pee, then one more pee, then I come one last time".

the lady has had enough by now and blurts out:"you disgusting men, always talking about sex, and in a public place- you should be ashamed of yourselves, there are women and children here, speak your filth in private!!!"

and one man replies:" lady, take it easy- I just teaching mya friend here how to spell mississippi!"

[our06t]

Skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE

black guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says: "7 feet

tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown."

The white man faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says:

What's wrong with you?"

In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"

The big dude says: "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you

the answers to the questions everyone always asks me..... I'm 7 feet tall, I

weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weigh 3 pounds

each, and my name is Turner Brown."

The small guy says: "Turner Brown?!...Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, Turn

around!"

[phantomchic]

Gods infinite wisdom

A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'

The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire f or worldly things.

Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I, and all men, could understand our wives and girlfriends; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.'

The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

[kona86]

snap! that's great!!

[NB4C]

I've got a few quick Q & A's

What do you call a hot gay guy ?

A waste of good DNA.

What do you call a hot lesbian ?

A waste of a great f*ck.

What do you call a gay dinosaur ?

Megasaurus

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur ?

Licolotapus

[Black F6]

It's Christmas time and the Garbo's are collecting the rubbish

They come across a bin with a note on it

"come in and get your Christmas bonus"

First garbo goes to the door and says "I'm the garbo, I'm here to get my christmas bonus"

"are you the driver?" she says

"no" I'm not". So she roots him on the kitchen table

Next Garbo goes to the door and says "I'm the garbo, I'm here to get my christmas bonus"

"are you the driver?" she says

"no I'm not". So she roots him on the kitchen table

Both Garbo's go to the driver and say, Theres a note that says, come and get your Christmas bonus, this bird has given us both a root and keeps asking for the driver..

The Driver goes to the door and says "I'm the garbo and I'm here to get my Christmas bonus"

"are you the driver?" she says

"As a matter of fact I am" he says.

She takes him to the kitchen and give's him $50

Confused he asks, my mates came here and you gave them a root and I only get $50???

"yeah my husband said give the driver $50 F*@K the rest"

[Black F6]

Thanks for the edit, I shouldn't post pissed... **proper joke above*** lol

Edited 22/02/09 08:30 AM by Black F6

[ronburgundy]

Sorry if you've seen this before (and for the length!) but it's effing hilarious!

------------------------------

From: Green.DarrylJ[MNR]

Sent: Wednesday, 14 January 2009 12:04 PM

To: Carnes.DarrenJ[MSR]; Duncan.PeterM[MNR]; Rix.BradleyO[MNR]; Ashton.MarkC[MNR]; Cockett.JasonH[MSR]; 'Bec Green'

Subject: FW: A BROTHER VICPOL MEMBER EXCELLS

Start at the bottom and look at the signature block, pure gold. He would be the best FYC to have. Look at where this has been and the ranks that commented.

Senior Sergeant 6401

Officer in Charge

North Brisbane Tactical Crime Squad

World champion grogmonster specialising in rum 87.

ph. 07-3364 3395

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Wade.MathewG[MNR]

Sent: Wednesday, 14 January 2009 11:49 AM

To: Green.DarrylJ[MNR]

Subject: FW: A BROTHER VICPOL MEMBER EXCELLS

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Wade.MathewG[MNR]

Sent: Wednesday, 14 January 2009 10:47 AM

To: Watling.GavinJ[OSC]

Cc: Hansen.NeilA[sCOC]; Slade.StephenG[MNR]; Buckley.PaulE[MNR]; Budrodeen.RonaldT[MNR]; Downey.TheresaH[MNR]; Ebbott.DavidW[MNR]; Edwards.JohnP[MNR]; Green.DarylE[hrD]; Hornby.DavidJ[MNR]; Jones.KristianJ[MNR]; Loveday.MichelleK[MNR]; Neville.TimothyE[MNR]; Newell.MichelleA[MNR]; Prange.DonaldJ[MNR]; Smith.ChristopherJo[MNR]

Subject: RE: A BROTHER VICPOL MEMBER EXCELLS

This would have to be that little blonde f**k we play in hockey wouldn’t it

Mathew WADE

Cst 17868

NBDTSC

149 Muller Road Boondall

Best attempt at finger painting Lilli Pillli Infants School 1976

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Watling.GavinJ[OSC]

Sent: Wednesday, 14 January 2009 9:32 AM

To: Hansen.NeilA[sCOC]; 'Stephen Slade'; 'mark.brand@crimecommission.gov.au'; D'Hage.MarkS[sCOC]; Barton.ScottA[MNR]; Malcolm.PaulT[sR]; Johnson.MatthewJ[OSC]; Randolph.AnthonyJ[MNR]; Green.EricDa[MNR]; Wade.MathewG[MNR]; Adams.ScottW[MNR]

Subject: RE: A BROTHER VICPOL MEMBER EXCELLS

Sounds like a top bloke. I wonder if he lacks confidence?

Gavin. J. Watling

Sergeant - 19320

Fingerprint Bureau

200 Roma Street, Brisbane 4000

Duel winner of Boozer of the Year – O.H.A. Hockey Club

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Hansen.NeilA[sCOC]

Sent: Wednesday, 14 January 2009 9:13 AM

To: 'Stephen Slade'; 'mark.brand@crimecommission.gov.au'; D'Hage.MarkS[sCOC]; Watling.GavinJ[OSC]; Barton.ScottA[MNR]; Malcolm.PaulT[sR]; Johnson.MatthewJ[OSC]; Randolph.AnthonyJ[MNR]; Green.EricDa[MNR]; Wade.MathewG[MNR]; Adams.ScottW[MNR]

Subject: FW: A BROTHER VICPOL MEMBER EXCELLS

God I hate victorians!!! Read from the bottom up first!!

Neil HANSEN

DSC 8052

CSIU

Queensland Police Hockey Clubman 2007!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Jacks, Craig [mailto:Craig.Jacks@pfes.nt.gov.au]

Sent: Tuesday, 13 January 2009 3:15 PM

To: 'BROWNE John [PD09992]'; Brazendale, Glen; 'Dudley, Christa'; Sanderson, Cameron; Rogers, Mathew; O'Brien, Rebecca; O'donnell, Carl; 'Philander, Sean'; Watkinson, Ryan; Scruton.LisaJ[sCOC]; Smith, Thomas

Subject: FW: A BROTHER VICPOL MEMBER EXCELLS

typical vicpol. read the bottom and work back up

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From: Kenyon, Jacen

Sent: Tuesday, January 13, 2009 1:45 PM

To: Ashley Shaw; Adam Pearson; Blockley, David; Bleakley, Libby; Burley, Shane; Jacks, Craig; Cruise, Greg; jacksie@iinet.net.au; mamcpherson1@optusnet.com.au;nigeldas@bigpond.net.au; bobmlt75@gmail.com;telly@bigpond.net.au; Smith, Thomas; Shyhun.MatthewM@police.qld.gov.au; Walker.StevenD@police.qld.gov.au;Lisa.Dalmau@correctiveservices.qld.gov.au; nigel-kenny@hotmail.com; Steinle, Peter; russell mccall;rayevans@live.com.au

Subject: FW: A BROTHER VICPOL MEMBER EXCELLS

Scroll to the signature block at the bottom. No doubt one of VICPOL's finest.

Jacen KENYON

Best & Fairest Brothers Gold 1985

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Wiggins, Elizabeth

Sent: Tuesday, January 13, 2009 1:30 PM

To: Kenyon, Jacen; Kidney, Robin; 'brad.sprague@police.vic.gov.au'; 'dale.potter@police.vic.gov.au'; 'anita.harraway@police.vic.gov.au'; 'marcus.aren@police.vic.gov.au';'wade.o'toole@police.vic.gov.au';'adam.motershead@police.vic.gov.au'; 'mark.dalton@afp.gov.au'

Subject: FW: A BROTHER VICPOL MEMBER EXCELLS

Gold Gold Gold!!!

Bindi - winner of best bruise competition N.T. 2009!!!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Kappel, Martin

Sent: Tuesday, January 13, 2009 12:26 PM

To: Gleeson, David; Lean, Chee; Dorman, Christopher; Wiggins, Elizabeth; Price, Nigel; Dwyer, Peter

Subject: A BROTHER VICPOL MEMBER EXCELLS

SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM FIRST TO SEE HOW THIS SPANKER ADVERTISES HIMSELF

MARTY KAPPEL

S/C 6658

Imanpa Police Station

Runner Up to wooden spoon, beach volley ball comp. East Keilor Leisure Centre, 1992.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: O'Brien, Rebecca

Sent: Tuesday, January 13, 2009 12:20 PM

To: Kappel, Martin

Subject: FW: spanker (Go to the bottom of the email and read the members signature block then read up!)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Overall, David

Sent: Tuesday, January 13, 2009 8:36 AM

To: 'Overall, Robert (SAPOL)'; Conroy, JasonA; Fox, Bradley; Mitson, Jonathan; Hocking, Andrew; Green, Des; Charlton, Samantha; Morgan, William; Morgan, Lee; Morris, Tyson; Richardson, David; Allen, Matthew; Allen, Nicholas; Leafe, Glenn; Godden, Rodney; Heath, Andrew; Kidney, Robin; O'Brien, Rebecca

Subject: FW: spanker (Go to the bottom of the email and read the members signature block then read up!)

No doubt this has made it to most of you 10 times over, but I cant take the chance that you havent seen it.

Go to the signature block at the bottom of the email and follow the adventure!!!

David Overall I Senior Constable

Operational Intelligence Section I Northern Territory Police

Winner of the Sanderson High School Easter Raffle 1987

Peter McAulay Centre

PO Box 39764 Winnellie NT 0821

p...(08) 8922 3154 I f...(08) 8922 3229 I m... 0417 847 820 I e...david.overall@nt.gov.au I www.nt.gov.au/pfes

Working in partnership to reduce crime and enhance community confidence.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Spurling, Julie

Sent: Tuesday, January 13, 2009 8:18 AM

To: Overall, David

Subject: FW: spanker (Go to the bottom of the email and read the members signature block then read up!)

Have a read of this

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: McIntyre, Lori

Sent: Tuesday, January 13, 2009 8:16 AM

To: Guascoine, Ronald; Spurling, Julie; Davies, Shannon; Milner, Christopher

Subject: FW: spanker (Go to the bottom of the email and read the members signature block then read up!)

Go to the signature block at the bottom first, read it and go up from there.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Lawrence, Anthony

Sent: Tuesday, January 13, 2009 8:09 AM

To: McIntyre, Lori; Walton, Luke; Jackson, Angela; Windebank, Craig; Cahill, Leigh; Brunton, Jeremy; Duncan, Megan; Polychrone, Peter; Manley, Scott

Subject: FW: spanker (Go to the bottom of the email and read the members signature block then read up!)

Anthony Lawrence

1/C Constable 2526

Computer Crime Unit

((08) 8922 3611 Ê (08) 8947 4555

- PO Box 39764, Winnellie NT 0821

: E-mail: Anthony.Lawrence@pfes.nt.gov.au

Maker of the best ninja star in grade 9 metalwork, Marcellin College, 1987

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Baldwin, Reece

Sent: Tuesday, January 13, 2009 7:50 AM

To: Powell, Nathan; Lawrence, Anthony; Kingston, Timothy; Phipps, Ainsley; Ruzsicska, Christopher; Currie, Bradley; Bradbury, Jason; Cummins, Isobel; Polychrone, Peter; Akers, MatthewP; Richardson, David; Hamlyn, David

Subject: FW: spanker (Go to the bottom of the email and read the members signature block then read up!)

This is brilliant.

Reece Baldwin

Senior Constable 2375

Computer Crime Unit

Northern Territory Police

(08) 89 223613

'Biggest head in Computer Crime'

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Hunt, Sandor

Sent: Monday, January 12, 2009 11:53 PM

To: Tracey, Mellyssa; Johnsson, Gert; Passmore, Malcolm; DaSilva, Ricardo; Dash, Peter; Adcock, Kodi; Robson, Glyn; Tracey, Ellis; Auletta, Anthony; Swift, Adam; Barry, Anthony; Allitt, Vaughn; Anderson, Kylie; Hardy, Amanda; Auricht, Owen; Barram, Andrew; Aaron Hipwell; Liebelt, Benjamin; Le Serve, Brent; Atkinson, BryanP; Brown, Corey; Brauns, David; Boja, Csaba; Bahnert, Barrie; Burnell, Bindi-Jane; Berry, Shane; Baldwin, Reece; Martin, Benjamin; Brand, Christopher (AFP); Voice, Christian; Holzfeind, Christian; Curtiss, Michael; Witham, David; Everingham, Jason; Ferry, Nicholas; Walker, Gregory; Hatzismalis, George; Gardiner, Timothy; Griggs, Paul; Spilsbury, Ian; Jeremiah, Wade; Tickner, John; WALTERS, Kelly-mae; Weller, Kieron; Kent, Michael; Dalgliesh, Luke; Watson, Marc; Potts, Michael; Nolan, James; Palmer, Philip; maxhunt@bigpond.com; Waddell, Tristan

Subject: FW: spanker (Go to the bottom of the email and read the members signature block then read up!)

This is Gold,

Follow the conversation from the bottom.

Pure GOLD.

Sandor Hunt

1/C Constable 2501

!!4th!! 50m running race, Mole Creek Primary School. 1984.^^^^^^^^^^^^

Alice Springs

CSEU

(08) 89523045

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Hibben, Simon

Sent: Monday, January 12, 2009 10:52 PM

To: Squad79; 'O'Brien, Fiona'

Subject: FW: spanker (Go to the bottom of the email and read the members signature block then read up!)

Funny as (read from the bottom)

Constable Simon Hibben

2499

Player of the month (1983)

Churchlands Wembley Junior Football Club

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Slape, Drew

Sent: Monday, January 12, 2009 10:47 PM

To: MCCARTHY, Daniel; McDonald, Alexander; Lewis, Scott; Trenerry, David; Hosking, Ben; Barrett, Dean; Waite, Nicholas; Rowe, Megan; EDDY, Stuart; Davis, Andrea; Blackstone, CallumE; Cassidy, Craig; Yates, Leigh; Hibben, Simon; Grieve, Mark; Grieve, Chelsea; Baldwin, Andrew; Gray-Spence, James; Kubank, Roland; Slape, Brenton (SAPOL)

Subject: FW: spanker (Go to the bottom of the email and read the members signature block then read up!)

Drew SLAPE

Constable 2693

General Duties

Tennant Creek Police Station

Most improved Ardtornish Football Team 1996

"To Serve and Protect"

p f p

((08) 8962 4457 Ê (08) 8962 4455

: E-mail: Drew.Slape@nt.gov.au

- Tennant Creek Police Station

PO Box 34 Tennant Creek NT 0860

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Slape, Brenton (SAPOL) [mailto:Brenton.Slape@police.sa.gov.au]

Sent: Monday, January 12, 2009 7:23 AM

To: Slape, Dylan (DFEEST); Slape, Drew; Gasiorowski, George (SAPOL); Pearce, Peter (SAPOL); Rod Bell; Williams, Mal (SAPOL - Sturt Traffic); Angus, Glenn (SAPOL); Malpas, Geoffrey (SAPOL)

Subject: FW: spanker (Go to the bottom of the email and read the members signature block then read up!)

From: Averis, Peter (SAPOL)

Sent: Sunday, 11 January 2009 6:47 AM

To: Slape, Brenton (SAPOL)

Subject: FW: spanker (Go to the bottom of the email and read the members signature block then read up!)

You'll love this one Slapey, you had better forward it on to your son in the NT coppers,

Owly.

(Best Diver in 1966 at Port Lincoln for Scallops)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Economou, Vasilios (SAPOL)

Sent: Saturday, 10 January 2009 4:01 PM

To: Averis, Peter (SAPOL); Kidd, Patricia (SAPOL); Hall, John (SAPOL); Uzelac, John (SAPOL)

Subject: FW: spanker (Go to the bottom of the email and read the members signature block then read up!)

JACK,

You will love this.

regards Bill

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Lambert, Greg (SAPOL)

Sent: Saturday, 10 January 2009 3:50 PM

To: Leaker, Adam (SAPOL); Thompson, Craig (SAPOL); Parker, Jarrad (SAPOL); Davis, James (SAPOL); Conner, Thomas (SAPOL); DL:SAPOL Pt Adelaide Intelligence; Andrew, James (SAPOL); Economou, Vasilios (SAPOL)

Subject: FW: spanker (Go to the bottom of the email and read the members signature block then read up!)

The replies are gold

Senior Constable Greg LAMBERT

Field Intelligence Officer, Port Adelaide Intelligence Section (6)

9th Fastest one finger typist west of the Victorian Boarder.

South Australia Police

244 St Vincent Street,

PORT ADELAIDE SA 5015

T 82076399 F 82076304

,Email:greg.lambert@police.sa.gov.au

,Email:greg.lambert@police.sa.alein (secure)

SOUTH AUSTRALIA POLICE

KEEPING SA SAFE

The information contained in this message and any attachment is confidential and may also be the subject of legal, professional privilege or public interest immunity. If you are not the intended recipient, any use, disclosure or copying of this document and or its attachments is unauthorised. Please advise us by reply and then delete it from your system. Any views or opinions presented are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of SAPOL.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Howie, Sean (SAPOL)

Sent: Thursday, 8 January 2009 1:20 PM

To: DL:SAPOL Elizabeth Intelligence; Griffin, Noel (SAPOL); Gilbert, Annette (SAPOL); Flockhart, Sonja (SAPOL); Lambert, Greg (SAPOL); Lynch, Nadiene (SAPOL); 'howies@adam.com.au'

Subject: FW: spanker (Go to the bottom of the email and read the members signature block then read up!)

Can you imagine the reaction to this when we graduated 20 years ago?

Senior Constable Sean Howie

Field Intelligence Officer, Elizabeth Intelligence Section (52)

Best Team Man Award, Wirrulla Football Club, 1997

South Australia Police

17-19 Frobisher Road

ELIZABETH SA 5112

T 08 8207 9595 F

E sean.howie@police.sa.gov.au

W www.police.sa.gov.au

SOUTH AUSTRALIA POLICE

KEEPING SA SAFE</FO< B>

The information contained in this message and any attachment is confidential and may also be the subject of legal, professional privilege or public interest immunity. If you are not the intended recipient, any use, disclosure or copying of this document and or its attachments is unauthorised. Please advise us by reply and then delete it from your system. Any views or opinions presented are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of SAPOL.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Smith, David (SAPOL)

Sent: Thursday, 8 January 2009 1:12 PM

To: Howie, Sean (SAPOL); Strange, Samantha (SAPOL); Schell, Michael (SAPOL); Lawrence, Graham (SAPOL); Marzano, Mark (SAPOL); Cole, Michael (SAPOL); Schenscher, Aston (SAPOL); 'Wright, Simone'; Wilson, Mark (SAPOL); Nash, Russell (SAPOL); 'Dwain Ball'

Cc: 'McCallum, Jill'

Subject: FW: spanker (Go to the bottom of the email and read the members signature block then read up!)

Sometimes it is better to remain silent and appear an idiot, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.............

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From: McCallum, Jill [mailto:jill.mccallum@police.vic.gov.au]

Sent: Thursday, 8 January 2009 12:42 PM

To: Home; HOLT, Sharon; HOLMES, Tracey; Morrish, Alison; Mattschoss, Shelley; MAZZA, Aimee; Chilton, Dionne; CHOOKA - Work; Woodsy; Smith, David (SAPOL); Llewelyn, Bromley

Subject: FW: spanker (Go to the bottom of the email and read the members signature block then read up!)

How are we supposed to soar like eagles when we're surrounded by .........

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Hoyle, Nigel

Sent: Thursday, 8 January 2009 11:35 AM

To: Dunning, Graham; McCallum, Jill; Peters, Rob; Pardon, Matthew; Hallinan, Leigh; Wiffen, Gregory; Wray, Kelly

Subject: FW: spanker (Go to the bottom of the email and read the members signature block then read up!)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Donaghy, Colin

Sent: Thursday, 8 January 2009 10:23 AM

To: Carroll, Brad; Simpfendorfer, Graeme; Simpfendorfer, Joanne; Edwards, Mark; Anderson, Kaare; Bilucaglia, Michael; Bruhn, Jason; Carter, Dennis; Chilton, Brad; Chilton, Dionne; Conte, Nicholas; Giles, Scott; Hawson, Tim; Hoyle, Nigel; Huxtable, Ross; Mason, Jim; Mcbain, Peter; O'Donnell, Jim; Palmer, Glenn; Polinelli, Paula; Saint, Daniel; Sleep, Benjamin; Smith, Rodger; Sims, Matthew; Bartel, Emma; McIntyre, Carla; Martin, Michael; Sagona, Mark; Aktypis, Konstantinos; Atkinson, Daniel; Cron, Timothy; Drew, Mick; Horvat, Joseph; Norton, Tim; Prato, Daniel; Tillekeratne, Rajitha; Vale, George; Webb, Nathan; Williamson, Brett; Vandenberg, Marty; Fraser, Leanne; McNair, Matthew; Boyce, Melissa; Wood, Richard; Mercovich, Gerry; Baynes, Matthew; Cuthbert, Lori; O'neill, Joshua; Hunt, Matthew

Subject: FW: spanker (Go to the bottom of the email and read the members signature block then read up!)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: HODSON, Ben

Sent: Monday, 5 January 2009 11:35 AM

To: GORIS, James; Briggs, Stuart; Johnstone, Ben; Bird, Chris; Henry, Dale; MOLESWORTH, Stace; Whyte, Glenn

Subject: FW: spanker (Go to the bottom of the email and read up!)

Vic Pol's Finest new recruit!

Ben HODSON

Constable 35143

Morwell Divisional Tasking Unit

7th out of 22 recruits graduating squad 13 of the year 2005

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Kahan, Brett

Sent: Monday, 5 January 2009 9:24 AM

To: Crilly, Barry; Ryan, Matthew S; Brereton, Peter; Johnston, Peter W; Maaka, Riki H; Cook, Stephen A; Barter, Andrew; HODSON, Ben; Saulle, Chris; Shepherd, Colin; Pawson, Kaine; Mullen, Luke; Barlow, Tim

Subject: FW: spanker

Gold. Go to the bottom.....

Brett A Kahan

Detective A/Senior Sergeant 30899

Morwell Crime Investigation Unit

8-10 Hazelwood Road, Morwell.

Equal 4th, DTS Course 186

* (DX) 21 7737

' (03) 5131 5042

7 (03) 5131 5050

brett.kahan@police.vic.gov.au

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Mathison, Jarrod [mailto:Jarrod.Mathison@pfes.nt.gov.au]

Sent: Friday, 2 January 2009 5:01 PM

To: Chandler, Scott J; Thomas, Dean; Miller, Brett; Shaddock, Danny; Miles, Ian; Findlay, Rodney; Ross, Simon; Vanbreugel, Craig; Ludekens, Dean; Russo, Christopher; Britton, Mark; Crossman, Russell

Subject: FW: spanker

Gents,

Your collegues are having their emails forwarded all over the country, well signature block anyway. Start from the bottom if you haven't seen it. Otherwise just check the email Johnny GINNANE sent him. Love it. Johnny's an ex-Vicpol D that used to work in this office.

Jed

Jarrod MATHISON Sgt 2762

Tennant Creek Investigations Unit

Second fastest grade four student at Trafalgar Primary School over the 80 yard dash - 1984.

Office 08 89624448

Mobile 0427 004829

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From: Ginnane, John

Sent: Friday, January 02, 2009 3:17 PM

To: Mathison, Jarrod

Cc: Grieve, Mark; Baldwin, Andrew; Howie, Trevor; Smith, Garry; Gordon, Peter; Gray-Spence, James; Harrington, Jack; Archer, Jason; Raabe, Stephen; Bayley, Craig; Winter, Stuart

Subject: FW: spanker

Self-explanatory.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Barrett, Craig

Sent: Friday, January 02, 2009 1:45 PM

To: Bennett, Catherine; Anderson, Kylie; Ginnane, John

Subject: FW: spanker

lol classic

Craig Barrett

A/Senior Sergeant

OIC Foundation Studies

Ph: (08) 8922 3281

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Ginnane, John

Sent: Friday, January 02, 2009 1:37 PM

To: ryan.davis@police.vic.gov.au

Cc: Barrett, Craig; Anderson, Kylie

Subject: RE: spanker

Constable DAVIS,

May I congratulate you on your recent achievement, as per your signature block below. As a graduate of the same institution many years ago I can attest that your achievement is neither easy to achieve or without merit.

Although somewhat unusual, your advertising of this academic feat will no doubt assist you in identifying, locating, apprehending and prosecuting the vile offenders that plague the leafy streets of Prahran. Your achievement will no doubt inspire many other police in this jurisdiction to excel themselves in the classroom.

May I also suggest that when you give evidence in court you identify yourself as competent to provide expert evidence, due to your evident proficiency in Victorian legislation and its real-time application within the judicial framework.

All the very best for your future endeavours.

John GINNANE

A/Superintendent

Casuarina OSD

Ph: 08 8922 7456

Supremus Berrimah versus

Ryan. W. Davis

Constable - 36204

Prahran Uniform Section

396 Malvern Road, Prahran, 3181

Dux Of Academy Squad

Phone: 9520-5200

Fax: 9520-5210

Email: ryan.davis@police.vic.gov.au

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Barrett, Craig

Sent: Friday, January 02, 2009 1:24 PM

To: Ginnane, John

Subject: FW: spanker

Craig Barrett

A/Senior Sergeant

OIC Foundation Studies

Ph: (08) 8922 3281

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Barrett, Craig

Sent: Friday, January 02, 2009 8:02 AM

To: Barrett, Dean; Anderson, Peter

Subject: FW: spanker

wtf. What an idiot.

Craig Barrett

A/Senior Sergeant

OIC Foundation Studies

Ph: (08) 8922 3281

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Kylie.Anderson@pfes.nt.gov.au

To: Robert.Allen@pfes.nt.gov.au; col.goodsell@afp.gov.au; deanna.collins@afp.alein; crowman71@hotmail.com; Margaret.Ray@pfes.nt.gov.au;hrkb9602@internode.on.net;Deana.Horwood@pfes.nt.gov.

au; ivan.davies@police.wa.gov.au; Ian.Kennon@pfes.nt.gov.au;Sonia.Kennon@pfes.nt.gov.au; jrleach@optusnet.com.au;Cortney.McCartney@pfes.nt.gov.au; Renae.McGarvie@pfes.nt.gov.au;Christopher.O'Brien@pfes.nt.gov.au; paul.ashby@police.wa.gov.au; bruce195@bigpond.com;Phil.kellow@mac.com; copthat75@hotmail.com;Christopher.Wilson@pfes.nt.gov.au; Taryn.Wilson@pfes.nt.gov.au

Date: Wed, 31 Dec 2008 09:08:19 +0930

Subject: FW: spanker

Go to the bottom of the email and check out the VICPOL copper's signature block. Shall I send him a congratulatory email???

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From: Steed, Jenkin [mailto:jenkin.steed@police.vic.gov.au]

Sent: Wednesday, December 31, 2008 8:46 AM

To: Blegg, Sharon; Ball, Jason; chrisroering; Anderson, Kylie; Anthony Wilson; Brian Hall; Graham Shoobert

Subject: FW: spanker

You would have to be proud of your performance…..

______________________________________________

From: Day, Warren

Sent: Thursday, 11 December 2008 4:00 PM

To: Larkin, Wal; Burnett, Adam

Subject: FW: spanker

Get a load of this

______________________________________________

From: Mills, Scott

Sent: Monday, 1 December 2008 1:39 PM

To: Mitchell, Katinka; Layton, Michael; Cutler, Jaymee; Murphy, Elizabeth; MacDonald, Ken; Raynor, Stephen; Tippett, Justin; Engel, Michael

Subject: FW: spanker

Surely Not.

______________________________________________

From: EPPINGSTALL, Stephen

Sent: Monday, 1 December 2008 9:52 AM

To: KINSEY, Belinda; FINNERTY, Aimee; BOYD, Campbell; FERGUSON, Cassandra; BLAIR, Cherree; JACOBI, Daniel; RITCHIE, David; CHAPMAN, Hannah; BURKE, Kevin; ALBERT, Marie; VANDERMEER, Peter; Wilbraham, Peter; COOPER, Sue

Subject: FW: spanker

Gang

Though you all might like a laugh. This is how some spanker at Prahran is signing off his emails.

______________________________________________

From: WALTERS, Claire

Sent: Monday, 1 December 2008 9:50 AM

To: EPPINGSTALL, Stephen

Subject: spanker

Regards,

Ryan. W. Davis

Constable - 36204

Prahran Uniform Section

396 Malvern Road, Prahran, 3181

Dux Of Academy Squad

Phone: 9520-5200

Fax: 9520-5210

Email: ryan.davis@police.vic.gov.au

[Taxi 8 u]

What are the 2 most inportant holes on a females body?

Her nostrils....... it's so she can breathe while she's sucking your c*ck!

[tab]

Couple of oldies in amongst this...but quite a few pissers...

Maharishi Phucknuckel's Guide to Zen

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either, just f*ck off and leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.

3. The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbour’s milk and newspaper, that’s the time to do it.

4. Sex is like air. It only becomes really important when you aren’t getting any.

5. Don’t aspire to become irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

6. Remember, no one is listening until you fart.

7. Never forget that you are unique, like everyone else.

8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

9. If you think nobody cares whether you’re dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments

10. Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

11. If at first you don’t succeed, avoid skydiving.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

13. Have you ever lent someone a 20 and never seen that person again? It was probably worth it.

14. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

15. Some days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreens.

16. Don’t worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

17. Good judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgment.

18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

19. A closed mouth gathers no feet.

20. There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman. Neither one works.

21. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much if your lips are moving.

22. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

23. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

24. When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry, and we get smacked on our arse. From there on in, life gets worse

25. The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.

Remember not to forget that which you do not need to know.