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  • Hey guys, Tab is here... Oh i feel sick
  • Legacy Donating Member
  • Member For: 18y 3m 1d
  • Gender: Male
  • Location: sunshine coast
Posted (edited)

lolololo

Edited by turbo.vixen
  • Hey guys, Tab is here... Oh i feel sick
  • Legacy Donating Member
  • Member For: 18y 3m 1d
  • Gender: Male
  • Location: sunshine coast
Posted

Two kiwi's in a locker room changing before going for a swim after their first centerlink appointment - one notices the other has a huge cork stuck in his ass .

"Hey bro,' stated the second, 'why you got a cork in ya ass!'

The first Kiwi say, 'It's stuck there- It won't budge!

'oh! how come,' said the other.

The first Kiwi says, 'I was walking along and I tripped over an oil lamp. There was a puff of smoke, then thus huge man in thongs& boardies drinkin a beer & wavin an Ozzie Flag came out.

He said, 'I'm Bazza, the Genie. I'll give ya one wish.'

I said, 'No sh*t?'

God Bless Australia

  • Member
  • Member For: 18y 11d
  • Gender: Male
  • Location: SE Melbourne
Posted

I will appolagise for this one. My ex brother in law told this one over xmas dinner in front of his nan... lol

Little girl goes over to grandmas house.

Grandma says I'm going for a shower now.. Little girl says, can I have a shower with you grandma?

Grandma says, ok I guess.

In the shower the litlle girl points up and says "what's that grandma"? Well that's my beaver dear... Ahhh says the little girl..

A week passes and the little girl is back at home.

Mummy's says I'm going for a shower now. Little girl says, can I have a shower with you mummy?

The mum looks a bit confused, but says yeah that's fine.

In the shower, the little girl looks up and says, " I know what that is"... Her mother says "what".. "That's your beaver" says the little girl. Where did you hear that darling?

Grandma told me, but grandma's beavers dead, because it's tongue is hanging out....

Sorry, I'm a pig and love that joke...lol

  • Sucker
  • Moderating Team
  • Member For: 22y 3m 30d
  • Gender: Male
  • Location: Brisbane
Posted

:verysad:

That's wrong.

Heard the best joke ever today:

What would you call Bob The Builder when he retires?

Bob. :bye:

  • Just a large member member
  • Legacy Donating Member
  • Member For: 17y 10m 8d
  • Gender: Male
  • Location: sydney
Posted

two mates having a drink.One say's if I go to your house while you were at work,shagged your wife and she got pregnant would that make us related?

Bloke say dont know about related but it would definitely make us even.

  • Hey guys, Tab is here... Oh i feel sick
  • Legacy Donating Member
  • Member For: 18y 3m 1d
  • Gender: Male
  • Location: sunshine coast
Posted

DELIGHTFUL

During an hour’s swimming at a municipal pool you will ingest 1/2 litre of urine.

An average person’s yearly fast food intake will contain 12 pubic hairs.

In a year you will have swallowed 14 insects - while you slept!

Annually, you will shake hands with 11 men who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.

At an average wedding reception you have a 1/100 chance of getting a cold sore from one of the guests. (Mouth herpes.)

Daily you will breathe in 1 litre of other peoples’ anal gases.

YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY !

  • Hey guys, Tab is here... Oh i feel sick
  • Legacy Donating Member
  • Member For: 18y 3m 1d
  • Gender: Male
  • Location: sunshine coast
Posted

LIFE IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL

A nurse walks into a room and sees a patient pretending he’s driving a

truck, with his hands at 10 to 2. The nurse asks him, ‘Kenny! What are you

doing?’

Kenny replies, ‘Can’t talk right now I’m driving to Melbourne !’ The nurse

wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.

The next day the nurse enters Kenny’s room just as he stops driving his

imaginary truck and she asks, ‘Well Kenny, how was your trip?’

Kenny says, ‘I’m exhausted, I just got into Melbourne and I need some rest.

That’s great,’ replied the nurse, ‘I’m glad you had a safe trip.’

The nurse leaves Kenny’s room, and then goes across the hall into another

patients’ room and finds Davo sitting on his bed masturbating vigorously.

Shocked, she shouts, ‘Davo what are you doing!?’ To which Davo

replies,

‘Shhh, I’m shagging Kenny’s wife while he’s in Melbourne ‘.

  • Hey guys, Tab is here... Oh i feel sick
  • Legacy Donating Member
  • Member For: 18y 3m 1d
  • Gender: Male
  • Location: sunshine coast
Posted

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.

Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat

It is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they

Begged their dad for the clue.

’Well’ he said, ‘It’s what mummy calls me sometimes’.

The little girl screams, ‘Don’t eat it..... Its a f*cking asshole!!!

  • Cruise Control
  • Member For: 19y 7m 27d
  • Gender: Male
  • Location: Macksville NSW.
Posted

HOW TO TREAT A WOMAN

Wine her. Dine her. Call her. Hold her. Surprise her. Compliment her. Smile at her. Listen to her. Laugh with her. Cry with her. Romance her. Encourage her. Believe in her. Pray with her. Pray for her. Cuddle with her. Shop with her. Give her jewelry. Buy her flowers. Hold her hand. Write love letters to her. Go to the ends of the earth and back again for her.

HOW TO TREAT A MAN:

Show up naked. Bring chicken wings and beer and don't block the TV.

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