Joke Of The Day

[FPV6T]

"What's the similarity between a burnt toast and a pregnant girlfriend?"

"In both cases, you wish you'd taken it out a few seconds earlier...."

[FPV6T]

Julia Gillard, Kevin Rudd and Wayne Swan were walking

over a bridge in Sydney. Julia trips and gets her head jammed between the

railings.

Without a sideways glance, Kevin pulls aside her

G-String, and bonks her senseless! He stands back and tells Wayne "your

turn". Swan bursts into tears.

"What's up?" asks Kevin.

Wayne sobs, "My head won't fit through the railings!"

[Panda Eyes]

whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

you can un-screw a light bulb

[Guest XR09]

Maradona and the vuvuzela...

[FPV6T]

SCARE AT NSW STATE OF ORIGIN TRAINING:

Training for the NSW 2010 state of origin team in preparation for the next

match with Queensland was delayed nearly two hours late this morning, after

a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the ground.

Initially officials thought it was a prank!! They did however immediately

suspended training, while police and ASIO were called to investigate.

After a complete analysis, NSW Police forensic experts determined that the

white substance, unfamiliar to most of the players, was in fact, the try

line.

Practice was resumed after Police & ASIO decided the team was unlikely to

encounter the substance again ...

[FPV6T]

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE'.

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want.

Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.. Then, you will massage my feet and hands... Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?

Without even looking up from her morning paper the wife replied, 'The f*ckin' funeral director would be my first guess.'

[Corzza]

A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday.

She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades.

She says, ''Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?''

He says, ''Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.''

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, ''That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It's a good all around combination and it's on sale this week for only $20.00."

She says, ''It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!''

As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

''Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,'' he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

The man rings up the sale and says, ''That'll be $34.50 please.''

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, ''Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?''

He replies, ''Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50"

[4DZILR]

Did you hear the one about the two women that were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.

that's GOLD! LMAO! Im tellin the misses.... watch the slap I get! ha-ha

[Corzza]

Roy, an undertaker, recently came home with a black eye.

"What happened to you?" asked his wife.

I had a terrible day." replied Roy . "I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When I got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection. Anyway, I went up and, sure enough, there was this big naked guy lying on the bed with this huge erection.

So I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half."

"I see" said his wife,"that must have been awful, but how did you get the black eye?"

Roy replied: "Wrong room."

[freeze_dk]

Why do vacuum cleaners have headlights?

Its easier for women to see at night