Joke Of The Day

[Corzza]

A chemist walks back into his shop after a short break and sees a man leaning against the wall.

"What's wrong with him?" he asks his assistant

"He came in for cough syrup but I couldn't find any so I gave him an entire bottle of laxatives" replied the assistant.

"You idiot" exclaims the chemist, "you can't treat a cough with laxatives"

"Of course you can" replies the assistant, "look at him, he's too scared to cough"

[Guest newl]

That is some funny

[Corzza]

A man feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.'

Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Peg, what's for dinner?'

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?' Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?'

'Frank, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!!!

[Guest XR09]

Not many people know of this interesting fact!

In 1942 the New Zealanders invented the condom, using a sheep's bladder.

In 1943 the Australian`s somewhat refined the idea by taking the bladder out of the sheep first.

[Corzza]

hahhaha

[Guest XR09]

I know its not a joke but for those of you who love black adder

[Corzza]

I am a fan!

Love it

[Guest XR09]

A family of Collingwood supporters heads out one Saturday morning to do their Christmas shoplifting. While in Rebel Sports the son picks up a St Kilda footy jumper and says to his 10 year old sister, "Hey mole, I've decided to become a Saints supporter and I want this for Christmas".

His sister, outraged by this, promptly whacks him around the head with her carton of Winfield's and says, "Dickhead, go talk to mum". Off goes the little lad with the St Kilda jumper stuffed up his miller shirt and finds his mum.

"Mum?"

"Yes son?"

"I've decided I'm going to be a saints supporter and I want this jumper for Christmas".

The mother is outraged at this and throws her moccasins and a full stubby of VB at him, smacks him in the gob and says "Let's go talk to your father!"

Off they go to the prison during visiting hours, with footy jumper in hand and find Moose, his toothless tattooed father.

"Dad?"

"Yes, Knackers?"

"I've decided I'm going to be a St Kilda supporter and I want this jumper for Christmas".

Moose goes berserk and gives his son an almighty backhander and says, "No bastard of mine is ever going to be seen wearing that sh*t!", and then kicks his arse from one end of the rec-room to the other, just for good measure.

About half an hour later they're all back in the old Torana and heading towards home. The mother turns to her son and says, "Knackers, have you learned something today?"

The son says "Bloody oath I have!"

"Good Knackers, what is it?"

The son replies, "I've only been a St Kilda supporter for a day, and already I hate you Collingwood pricks!

[Guest XR09]

BBQ RULES :

We are in the BBQ season now, therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion :

Routine...

(1) The woman buys the food.

(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert .

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand .

(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman .

Here comes the important part:

(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine...

(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery .

(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat.

Important again:

( THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine...

(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ' her night off 'and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women!

[Panda Eyes]

so true!