Joke Of The Day

[Corzza]

At the regular Sunday morning service, father George announced that he was planning to

leave for a larger church that would pay him more.

There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave, because he is so popular.

Costa, who owns several car dealerships stands up and proclaims

"If father George stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every year,

and his wife with a Honda CRV, to transport their children!"

The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.

Dimitri, a successful businessman and lawyer, stands and says,

"If father George will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary,

and establish a foundation to guarantee a free university education for his children!"

More sighs and loud applause

Maria, age 68, stands and announces with a smile,

"If father George stays, I will give him sex!"

There is total silence.

Father George, blushing, asks her: "Maria, you're a wonderful and holy lady.

Whatever possessed you to say that?"

Maria’s 70-year old husband, Vasillis, is now trying to hide,

holding his forehead with the palm of his hand, and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replied,

"Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said: "F#ck him."

[Corzza]

After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on her

nightstand by the bed.

He begins to worry........... "Is this your husband?" he nervouslyasks.

"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.

"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.

"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to bereassured.

"No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!" she answers.

"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.

"That's me before the surgery!"

[Corzza]

Doctor: I’m sorry to have to tell you that you may have rabies, and it could prove fatal.

Patient: Well, doctor, please give me pencil and paper.

Doctor: To make your will?

Patient: No, to make a list of people I want to bite.

[Corzza]

Snow white, brad pit and bin laden having a drink

Snow white says,"I'm the most beautiful woman in the world".

Brad pit says,"I'm the most handsome man in the world".

Bin laden says,"I'm the most hated man in the world".

So all three go to the magic mirror to see if its true.

Snow white goes in and comes out saying,"I told u so".

Brad pit then goes in and comes out saying,"I told u so".

Bin Laden then goes in and comes out shouting, "who the hell is julia gillard?"

[Barra]

Corzza, Appreciate all your jokes, especially on a Friday. Thanks from all the guys and girls at my work too.

[FPV6T]

[dre]

this

[Corzza]

Pleasure fellas!

Nothing better than a good chuckle during the working day!

[Corzza]

The Irish have the lowest stress rate because they do not take medical terminology seriously.

See below:

Medical Term: Irish Definition:

Artery - The study of paintings

Bacteria - Back door to cafeteria

Barium - What doctors do when patients die

Benign - What you be, after you be eight

Caesarean Section - A neighbourhood in Rome

Cat scan - Searching for Kitty

Cauterize - Made eye contact with her

Colic - A sheep dog

Coma - A punctuation mark

Dilate - To live long

Enema - Not a friend

Fester - Quicker than someone else

Fibula - A small lie

Impotent - Distinguished, well known

Labour Pain - Getting hurt at work

Medical Staff - A Doctor's cane

Morbid - A higher offer

Nitrates - Rates of Pay for Working at Night, Normally more money than Days

Node - I knew it

Outpatient - A person who has fainted

Pelvis - Second cousin to Elvis

Post Operative - A letter carrier

Recovery Room - Place to do upholstery

Rectum - Nearly killed him

Secretion - Hiding something

Seizure - Roman Emperor

Tablet - A small table

Terminal Illness - Getting sick at the airport

Tumour - One plus one more

Urine - Opposite of you're out

Edited 06/08/11 04:14 AM by Corzza

[Corzza]

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'