Joke Of The Day

[Falchoon]

Michael Jackson has checked into the Betty Ford clinic. His reps say it's to cure him of his 12-year-old crack habit.

[Falchoon]

Law enforcement officials recently reported the hijacking of a truck carrying Viagra. Authorities are looking for the culprits. They suspect the hijackers are a gang of hardened criminals. :lol:

[Blown BA]

A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall

>

>He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my grandpa!"

>

>The cop asked, "What's he like?"

>

>The little boy replied, "Crown Royal, and women with big *beep*".

[Blown BA]

A man from Poland goes to the optometrist who shows the Pole a card

with the letters,

C Z W X N Q S T A C Z.

"Can you read this?" the optometrist asks.

"Read it?" the Pole replies, "I know the guy!"

[Blown BA]

An Hawaiian woodpecker and a Californian woodpecker were arguing about which place had the toughest trees. The Hawaiian woodpecker said Hawaii had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The Californian woodpecker accepted his challenge, and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Hawaiian woodpecker was in awe. The Californian woodpecker then challenged the Hawaiian woodpecker to peck a tree in California that was absolutely unpeckable. The Hawaiian woodpecker expressed confidence he could do it, so accepted the challenge. After flying to California, the Hawaiian woodpecker successfully pecked the tree with no problem. So the two woodpeckers were now confused. How is it that the Californian woodpecker was able to peck the Hawaiian tree and the Hawaiian woodpecker was able to peck the Californian tree, but neither one was able to peck the tree in their own state? After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion: your pecker is always harder when you're away from home.

[Falchoon]

Boudreaux's twenty-one-year-old daughter tells her parents she has missed

her period for two months. Very worried, they go to the drugstore and to buy

a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting,cursing, crying, Boudreaux says, "Who was the pig that did this to

you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari

stops in front of the Boudreaux's house; a mature and distinguished man with

gray hair, impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit, steps out of the car

and enters the house. He sits in the living room with Boudreaux, the mother

and the girl, and tells them,

"Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry

her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge. If a girl

is born, I will bequeath her two retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa

and a $1,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000

bank account. If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However, if

there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, Boudreaux, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on

the man's shoulder and tells him, "Den' you try agin'!"

[Blown BA]

VOTED BEST JOKE FOR 2004

For his birthday Little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

The next day the father saw Little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"

Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and I heard you tell mum you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with an $80,000 mortgage and no bloody bike!"

[Falchoon]

WHY GOD MADE MENOPAUSE:

With all the new technology regarding fertility, a 65 year-old woman was

able to give birth to a baby recently. When she was discharged from the

hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit. "May we see the new

baby?"

one asked.

"Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can chat for a while

first."

Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the

new baby now?"

"No, not yet," said the mother.

After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, "May we see

the baby now?"

"No, not yet," replied the mother.

Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?"

"WHEN IT CRIES!" she told them.

"WHEN IT CRIES??" they demanded. "Why do we have to wait until it

CRIES??"

"BECAUSE, I forgot where I put it..."

[KittyKatSmack]

It seems that National Pie Week....

http://www.safm.com.au/promo/pie_week/info.php

....falls on the same week as National Eating Disorders Week....

http://www.the.inter.net.au/home/awarenessweek

.......this year.

How odd.

[Dagabond]

Revenge!

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting.

He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport.

Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make theguy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.

The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport, " he asked? "Fifteen bucks, " came the reply. "And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?" "What?! Get the hell out of my cab." The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.

When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went. Then, as the drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.