Joke Of The Day

[Blown BA]

A new two year degree is being offered at Life University...

Becoming a Real Man!

That's right, in just six terms, you too can be a real man.

Please take a moment to look over the program outline:

FIRST YEAR

Autumn Schedule

MEN 101...Combating Stupidity

MEN 102...You too can do housework

MEN 103...PMS - Learn when to keep your mouth shut

MEN 104...We do not want sleazy underthings for Christmas

Winter Schedule

MEN 110...Wonderful Laundry Techniques

MEN 111...Understanding the female responses to getting in at 4 a.m.

MEN 112...Parenting: It doesn't end with conception

MEN 113...Get a life, learn to cook

Spring Schedule

MEN 120...How NOT to act like an as*hole when you're wrong

MEN 121...Understanding your incompetence

MEN 122...You, the weaker sex

MEN 123...Reasons to give flowers

SECOND YEAR

Autumn Schedule

SEX 101...You CAN fall asleep without it

SEX 102...Morning Dilemma: If it's awake, take a shower

MEN 201...How to stay awake after sex

MEN 202...How to put the toilet seat down

Winter Schedule

MEN 210...The remote control: Overcoming your dependencies

MEN 211...How NOT to act younger that your children

MEN 212...You too can be a designated driver

MEN 213...Honest - You don't look like Russel Wong - Especially naked

Spring Schedule

MEN 220...Omitting @#%! from your vocabulary

MEN 221...Fluffing the blanket after farting in not necessary

MEN 222...Real men ask for directions

MEN 223...Thirty minutes of begging is not considered foreplay

[Blown BA]

An English teacher was explaining to his students the concept of gender association in the English language.

He stated how hurricanes at one time were given feminine names and how ships and planes were usually referred to as "she". One of the students raised their hand and asked - "What gender is a computer"?

The teacher wasn't certain which it was, so he divided the class into two groups, males in one, females in the other, and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation. The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

[Blown BA]

Yesterday, after extensive testing, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones... yes, it's true.

To prove their theory, the scientists had 100 men consume 12 bottles of beer.

They then observed that 100% of them:

1: Gained weight.

2: Talked excessively without making sense.

3: Became emotional.

4: Called home just to see if anyone called.

5: Couldn't drive.

6: Went to the bathroom in groups.

7: Rearranged the furniture for no apparent reason.

No further testing is planned.

[Falchoon]

Quality not quantity is what we're after Blown BA

[Cro]

"She sells C cells by the sea shore."

Quality not quantity is what we're after Blown BA

Your one to talk Ross....

[GlennAUII]

heres a laugh! :lol:

LINK

[Falchoon]

Noice home page in your profile Glenn, self portrait is it?

[geea]

Noice home page in your profile Glenn, self portrait is it?

Geea.

[Falchoon]

the dags dictionary

Abbacadabra (ab ba' kad a bra) n. The phenomenon whereby an Abba song miraculously appears in every Australian movie.

Abdomino effect (ab' do mi noe ef ekt) n. Descriptive of the way a group of male friends gradually gets fatter, as each bloke in turn lets himself go.

Ad nausea (ad nor' zia) n. When watching the cricket on TV, the feeling you get after having seen twenty-three ads in a row during the lunch break.

Airfauxbics (ayr' fo biks) n. Any sequence of stretching exercises designed to cover the fact that the person at whom you just waved turned out to be a complete stranger.

Source: Richard Glovers list of words that should exist - but don't

[JB]

One day a teacher had a taste test with her students.

She picked a little boy to do the first test.

She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his mouth and asked, "Do you know what it is?"

"No, I don't," said the little boy.

"Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing your daddy wants from your Mom before he goes to work.

Suddenly, a little girl at the back of the room yelled, "Spit it out! It's a piece of ass!"