Joke Of The Day

[Guest newl]

[Turbo6FG]

A good friend will bail you out of jail

A best friend will be sitting in there next to you saying 'Damn, that was AWESOME!'

Some people bring happiness wherever they go. Others, whenever they go.

[Corzza]

In biology class the teacher asks, "Can anyone tell me why a flounder is flat?"

Little Johnny raises his hand.

"Go ahead, Johnny."

"My uncle told me it's because a whale raped the flounder."

"That's terrible, Johnny. I'll have to speak to your parents about this. Let's try another one. Why does a lobster's eyes protrude from its head?"

Again Johnny raises his hand.

"We'll give you another chance."

"My uncle said when the whale raped the flounder, the lobster saw it and his eyes popped out in shock."

[Corzza]

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall.

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, 'What is this Father?' The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life,

I don't know what it is.'

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button.

The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room.

The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially..

They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a 24-year-old blond stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.

'Go get your Mother.'

[Turbo6FG]

Double post Corzza you got the same one at the top of the page.

[Turbo6FG]

As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world. It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors" who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither. Harold Schlumberg is such a person:

QUOTE FROM HAROLD

I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired?

' Well...I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background and one of the things I enjoy most is converting beer, wine and whisky into urine. I do it everyday and I really enjoy it.

Harold should be an inspiration to us all.

[Turbo6FG]

A big football player is in the bathroom taking a piss, and up walks this little, short guy to the urinal next to him. The big guy couldn't help but notice the enormous size of the little guys pen*s. He said to the little guy, "I'm not gay or anything but how can a guy so little have such a big dick?" The little guy replied, "Well I'm going to let you in on a little secret, I'm a leprechaun. I can grant you any wish you want, but there's a catch, you have to let me stick this up your ass." The big guy thought to himself, 'Well I've been knocked on my ass several times in football, surely I can take the pain of a pen*s in my ass.' "Ok. my wish is for a million dollars," he says. Leprechaun says, "bend over!" and proceeded to have his way with the football player. When it was over, the big guy exclaimed, "I can't believe you got all that up in me!" The little guy says, "I can't believe you thought I was a leprechaun!"

[Turbo6FG]

Q: What is a man's Ultimate embarrassment?

A: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.

[Turbo6FG]

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times,

does he become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from

Holland called Holes?

3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person

who drives a racing car not called a racist?

9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

12. 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.

Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?

13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow

that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,

models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

14. What hair colour do they put on the driver's license's of bald men?

15. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little

spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

16. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What

are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their

pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while

they deliver the mail?

17. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. (my fav)

18. No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.

19. Ever wonder about those people who spend £1.50 apiece on those

little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

20. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing

section in a swimming pool?

21. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea, does that mean that one

enjoys it?

[Guest XR09]

This guy has the best way of appologising to his Fi Fi. Take notes....

http://mediafetcher.com/article_full.php?id=115040