Joke Of The Day

[Corzza]

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old

man

walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking

slowly.

One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has

Peltry Syndrome.

Those people walk just like that."

The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has

Zovitzki

Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart just as we learned

in class."

Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They

approached him

and one of the students said to him:

"We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk,

but we

couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what

it is?"

The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two

fine medical

students think."

The first student said, "I think its Peltry Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought....... But you are wrong."

The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought....... But you are wrong."

So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"

The old man said, "I thought it was a Fart........ .............. But I

was wrong, too!"

[Corzza]

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck."

"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

"And you can talk!" exclaims the barman.

"I see your ears are working, too," says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

"Certainly, sorry about that," says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint. "It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub.. What are you doing round this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer."

The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

The same thing happens for two weeks.

Then one day the circus comes to town.

The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"

"Sounds marvellous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call."

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."

"I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck. "Where is it?"

"At the circus," says the barman.

"The circus?" repeats the duck.

"That's right," replies the barman.

"The circus?" the duck asks again. "That place with the big tent?"

"Yeah," the barman replies.

"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck.

"Of course," the barman replies.

"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.

"That's right!" says the barman.

The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says . . .

>

>

>

>

"What the Hell would they want with a plasterer??!"

[Dagabond]

How fast can you guess these Words....

1. BOO_S

2. _ _ NDOMS

3. P_N_S

4. F_ _ K

5. PU_S_

6. S_X

??????????

1. BOOKS

2. RANDOM

3. PANTS

4. FORK

5. PULSE

6. SIX

YOU GOT ALL SIX WRONG DIDN'T YOU?

[Turbo6FG]

& what about number 2 sir dirty mind?

Randoms?

[Robski]

For all those Collingwood supporters out there (I am one as well)

A lady gets a job in a Primary School in Collingwood.

On her first day to try and impress the students she tells them that she is a Collingwood supporter.

"Who else is a Collingwood supporter in this class?" she asks

All the hands in the class shoot up into the air, all except for one little girl at the back.

The teacher asks the girl "Who do you support?"

To which the girl replies "Richmond"

"Now why do you support Richmond when you live in Collingwood?" the concerned teacher asks.

"Well my dad, mum and brother support Richmond ..... so I support Richmond" said the little girl with a smile.

The teacher became annoyed at this way of thinking and replied "Well then if your DAD SOLD DRUGS and your MUM WAS A PROSTITUTE and your BROTHER STOLE CARS would YOU do those things???

Surprised the little girl said "NO miss then I would be a Collingwood supporter"

[Guest XR09]

Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite –

All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary

Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife, 43, who was looking for some hot action!.....

So I sent her my ironing. That'll keep her busy.

I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill.

Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.

After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex Michael woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman.

That's when he realised he had made it home safely.

Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year".

Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5 hours to hoover the house.

Turns out she was a Slovak

Since the snow came all the wife has done is look through the window.

If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

Came home today to find all my doors and windows smashed in and everything gone.

What sort of sick person does that to someone's Advent calendar.

I've been charged with GBH for hurting a man with sandpaper.

To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.

After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy.

Nothing.

A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad that

he had a part in the school play and he was playing a man who had been

married for 25 years.

The dad says, "Never mind son, maybe next year you'll get a speaking part."

Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That's a lot.

Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month:

time to change supplier I think.

2 women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes..

I think they were Hovis Witnesses.

Edited 09/01/11 01:15 AM by XR09

[Turbonator]

A bloke walks into a brothel and says: "I'm a bit kinky, how much for total humiliation?"

The madam replies $60.

"Wow, what do I get for that," he says.

She says: "A baggy green cap and an Australia shirt.

[bumbum]

hahaha.. so true... damn australian cricketers are playing absolute shocking atm!

[Guest XR09]

What is the difference between Cinderella and the Australian cricketers?

Cinderella knew when to leave the ball

And why isn`t there anybody drinking bottles of wine in Oz right now ?

Because they don`t have any openers….

Q what do you get if you cross the Australian cricket team with an Oxo cube?

A A laughing stock!

Q. What is the height of optimism?

A. An Australian batsman putting on sunscreen.

Q. What would Jimmy Anderson be if he was Australian?

A. An all rounder.

Q. What is the main function of the Australian coach?

A. To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.

Q. Why don't Australian fielders need pre tour travel injections?

A. Because they never catch anything.

Q. What's the Australian version of LBW?

A. Lost, Beaten and Walloped.

Q. What do you call an Australian with 100 runs against his name?

A. A bowler.

Q. What's the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Ponting?

A. The walk back to the pavilion.

Q. Who has the easiest job in the Australian squad?

A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

Q. What do Australian batsmen and drug addicts have in common?

A. Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come

from.

Q. Why are Australian cricketers cleverer than Houdini?

A. Because they can get out without even trying.

Q. What does Ryan Harris put in his hands to make sure the next ball almost

always takes a wicket?

A. A bat

[Guest XR09]

To my darling husband,

Before you return from your golf game I just want to let you know about the

small accident I had with the ute when I turned into the driveway.

Fortunately it’s not too bad and I didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too

much about me.

I was coming home from the shops and when I turned into the driveway I

accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake..

The garage door is slightly bent but the ute fortunately came to a halt when

it bumped into your car.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will

forgive me.

You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.

I am enclosing a picture for you.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife.

XX

Ps Your girlfriend called