Joke Of The Day

[timmy]

South Korean officials have confirmed the name of the pilot who crash landed a Koreana plane in San Francisco earlier.

He's called Land Ding Gon Wong.

[timmy]

I think it must be 'Distance' that makes women feel squeamish about jizz.

For example, the wife's quite happy to take a mouthful right there and then, but if I tell her it's waiting on her Cornflakes downstairs I'm suddenly a 'very sick individual'.

[timmy]

Why do witches wear no underwear????

To grip the broomstick better.

[johno]

After 100 years of laying on the sea bed, Irish divers were surprised to find that the Titanics swimming pool was still full.

Edited 13/07/13 12:01 PM by johno

[timmy]

whats the similarity between the royal baby and an the iphone?

people will queue up for days just to be the first to welcome its arrival and then the very next day will realise its the same old sh1t again.

[hawlass]

A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth.
The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes.
The second Sunday he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.

The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened.

The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldnt talk for more than eight minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes. But the third Sunday he put his wifes teeth in by mistake and he couldnt shut up.

[Corzza]

An Australian is travelling through Europe when he meets a lovely girl.They decide to keep travelling together. after 6 months of being together He says to her: "well we get along great we're having fun I think we should get married, she was delighted and off to the altar they go.

Later on they find themselves at the swimming pool. He goes up to the highest diving board turns around and does a triple backflip summersault. Wow she says you're very good, Well I represented Australia in the last Olympics" he replies.

Can you get me a drink ",she says, while I"m having a swim".

Off he goes ,comes back 20 minutes later, she is still in the water, half hour goes by, she's still swimming, an hour later she's still swimming...after a couple of hours she finally comes out, and he says to her : "gee that was quite a long swim, were you a long distance swimmer or something"...

"no, she say, I was a prostitute in Venice

[Corzza]

The wooden ball

An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and haircut,

But he tells the barber he probably can't get all of his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years.

But he wanted to know what would have happened If he had swallowed that little ball.

The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does."

[Corzza]

A man joins the navy.
On his first day of training the instructor shows him around the base.
"This is the gym, this is the mess hall, those are the showers & this is the sleeping quarters" he said.

He went on, "Now over there behind the mess hall there's a barrel". "If you get lonely & a bit frisky you can go there & poke your thingy through the hole, it's most pleasurable".
Then he added that that as a new recruit, he could go there on monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday & saturday. He then asked the recruit "so are you gay?"

The recruit replied "no I am certainly not!"

The instructor replies "well, your not going to like sunday's then,
that's your day in the barrel!"

[Corzza]

The Kiwi slips three biscuits into his pocket with lightning speed. The
baker doesn't notice.

The Kiwi says to the Australian: "You see how clever we Kiwis are? Try
and beat that!"

So the Australian says to the baker "Give me a biscuit and I'll show you a
magic trick!"

The baker gives him the biscuit which the Australian promptly eats before
asking for another biscuit.

The baker is getting suspicious but he gives it to him. He eats this one
too.

Then he says again: "Give me one more biscuit to complete the trick". The
baker is getting angry now but gives him the last one.

The Australian eats this one too.

Now the baker is really mad, and yells: "So where's this trick?"

The Australian says: "Look in the Kiwi's pocket"