Joke Of The Day

[gassit]

Keep this in mind when you have something to return and the store gives

you a hard way to go! Should be fun

A woman went to a K-Mart service counter and tells the clerk she wants a

refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The clerk tells

her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Suddenly,the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming,

"PINCH MY NIPPLES,

PINCH MY NIPPLES,

PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!"

The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store

manager in front a growing crowd of customers. The manager goes to the

woman and asks, "Ma'am what's wrong?"

She explained the problem with the toaster, and he tells her that he

can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. Once again, the woman

throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming

"PINCH MY NIPPLES,

PINCH MY NIPPLES,

PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!"

And doing so draws and even bigger crowd! In shock, the store manager

pleads "Ma'am, why are you saying that?" In a huff, the woman says,

"BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I'm being SCREWED!!"

The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded

[gassit]

Subject: FW: Steve Irwin & the blonde

Steve Irwin walks into a bar with his pet crocodile by his side.

He puts the croc up on the bar. He then turns to the astonished patrons

and says:

"I will make a deal. I'll open this croc's mouth and place my genitalia

inside. Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute.Then he'll

open

his mouth and I'll remove my genitalia unscathed. In return for

witnessing

this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."

The crowd murmured in unanimous approval. Steve stood up on the bar,

dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the crocodile's open

mouth.

The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, Irwin

grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the croc hard on the top of its head.

The croc opened his mouth and he removed his genitals unscathed as

promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were

delivered.

Steve stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100

who's

willing to give it a try." A hush fell over the crowd.

After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blonde woman

timidly spoke up...

"I'll try it, Just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!"

[Redhawk]

An Asian guy in America was trying to exchange yen for dollars and asked the teller, "Why it change? Yestoday I get two hunat dollar fo yen and today only get a hunat eighty?"

The bank teller said: "Fluctuations."

The Asian guy says "Fluc you amelicans too"

[aniken]

An Asian guy in America was trying to exchange yen for dollars and asked the teller, "Why it change? Yestoday I get two hunat dollar fo yen and today only get a hunat eighty?"

The bank teller said: "Fluctuations."

The Asian guy says "Fluc you amelicans too"

[Blown BA]

Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up.

Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?" They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one.

They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is. "Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me."

Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants. Rippington says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards."

She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!"

Rippington says, "I'll tell him."

[Blown BA]

What am I?

I am a common object enjoyed by both sexes, normally about 8 inches long, with little hairs on one end, and a hole on the other. For most of the day I am laying down, but I am ready for instant action. When in use, I move back and forth and in n out a warm, moist hole. When the work is finally done, a white, slushy, sticky mush is left behind, and I return to my original position. Cleaning is usually done after I am.

What am I?

Why, I am your very own...Toothbrush! What were you thinking, you pervert?

[Blown BA]

A young man truly in love with his girlfriend decided to have her name tattooed on his pen*s.

Her name was Wendy, and the tattoo was done while the pen*s was erect, so when it was not erect all you could see was W Y.

Shortly after the couple was married they were honeymooning in Jamaica the man was in a bathroom in Jamaica, and standing next to him was a Jamaican man who also had a W Y on his pen*s.

The American said to him "Oh is your girl named Wendy too?"

The Jamaican replied, "No, Mr. that says Welcome to Jamaica Have a Nice Day".

[Turbofalke]

This one makes me Laugh

TheFatContoller

[Dagabond]

Donald Rumsfeld (U.S.secretary of defense)is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident'

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sits, head in hands Finally, the President looks up and asks..........

''How many is a Brazillion ??!'

[Dagabond]

Proudly showing off his newly leased downtown apartment to a couple of friends late one night, the drunk yuppie led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong. "What's that big brass gong for?" one of the friend's asked.

"Issss nod a gong. Issss a talking clock" the drunk replied.

"A talking clock - seriously?"

"Yup." "Hmmm (hic)."

"How's it work?" the second friend asked, squinting at it.

"Watch" the yuppie said. He picked up a hammer, gave it an ear-shattering pound and stepped back.

The three stood looking at one another for a moment in silence.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed "For f*#k's sake you w#nker, it's ten past three in the f#$king morning!!!."