Danxr Member 67 Member For: 17y 8m 19d Gender: Male Location: Perth WA Duncraig / Wanneroo Posted 08/09/12 07:24 AM Posted 08/09/12 07:24 AM I failed my health & safety test other day as the question was, in the event of a fire what steps do you take? I wrote f***n massive ones. Apparently that wasn't correct
Danxr Member 67 Member For: 17y 8m 19d Gender: Male Location: Perth WA Duncraig / Wanneroo Posted 08/09/12 07:24 AM Posted 08/09/12 07:24 AM After 100 years lying on the sea bed, Irish divers were amazed to find that the Titanic's swimming pool was still full............... 1
Danxr Member 67 Member For: 17y 8m 19d Gender: Male Location: Perth WA Duncraig / Wanneroo Posted 08/09/12 07:25 AM Posted 08/09/12 07:25 AM One day a father on his way home from work suddenly remembers that it’s his daughter’s birthday. He pulls over to a toy shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir?We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95 Shopping Barbie for $19.95 Beach Barbie for $19.95 Disco Barbie for $19.95 Ballerina Barbie for $19....95 Astronaut Barbie for $19.95 Skater Barbie for $19.95 Divorced Barbie for $265.95The amazed father asks: 'It's what?!Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: "Sir...,Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.
Danxr Member 67 Member For: 17y 8m 19d Gender: Male Location: Perth WA Duncraig / Wanneroo Posted 08/09/12 07:31 AM Posted 08/09/12 07:31 AM LITTLE JOHNNY'S SISTEROH No !!! He has a sister ????????????Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his willy today in the playground!" Before her mother could raise a concern,Sally said, "It reminded me of a peanut."Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mum asked,"Really small, was it?"Sally replied, "No... Salty." Mum fainted. 1
Danxr Member 67 Member For: 17y 8m 19d Gender: Male Location: Perth WA Duncraig / Wanneroo Posted 08/09/12 07:32 AM Posted 08/09/12 07:32 AM What part of your body goes to heaven first?The nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to herclass one morning and she asked the question, 'When you die and go to Heaven, which part of your body goes first?'Suzy raised her hand and said, 'I think it's your hands.''Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?'Suzy replied: 'Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes yourhands first.''What a wonderful answer!', the nun said.Little Johnny raised his hand and said, 'Sister, I thinkIt’s your feet.'The nun looked at him with the strangest look on herFace. 'Now, Johnny, why do you think it would be yourFeet?'Johnny said: 'Well, I walked past Mom and Dad's bedroomthe other night. Mom had her legs up in the air and she was saying:'Oh God! I'm coming!'If Dad hadn't pinned her down, I reckon we'd have lost her."The nun had to leave the room.
Danxr Member 67 Member For: 17y 8m 19d Gender: Male Location: Perth WA Duncraig / Wanneroo Posted 08/09/12 07:36 AM Posted 08/09/12 07:36 AM Want to know where our tax money is going geeeeeez
Corzza 777 Member 7,135 Member For: 17y 5m 27d Gender: Male Location: Neutral Bay. Born and Bred in the RSA Posted 10/09/12 03:04 AM Posted 10/09/12 03:04 AM A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster from up in Canada for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,"OK old fart, time for you to retire."The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?" The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over." The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop." The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start."The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. The Old Rooster is squalking and running as hard as he can. The Farmer grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - he blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says,"Darn.....third gay rooster I bought this month."Moral of this story? ....Don't mess with the OLD FARTS - age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery will always overcome youth and arrogance!
Ciaran Thooperrrrrrr Legacy Donating Member 2,768 Member For: 15y 26d Gender: Male Location: NOR, Western Australia Posted 10/09/12 06:03 AM Posted 10/09/12 06:03 AM A woman got wooden breast implants yesterday. It would be funny if this had a punch line...Wooden tit. 1
tab Sucker Moderating Team 32,303 Member For: 22y 3m 3d Gender: Male Location: Brisbane Posted 10/09/12 06:16 AM Posted 10/09/12 06:16 AM Similar to the wooden horse...wooden sh*t.
senna_T Forged Member Legacy Donating Member 15,818 Member For: 19y 5m 21d Gender: Male Location: SW Sydney Posted 10/09/12 06:19 AM Posted 10/09/12 06:19 AM I'm stealing that for my "Dad's Jokes" to be used at a later date Ciaran... 1
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